The rest of the week

Roarke finally got in a 1am Thursday morning, after his mammoth travelling session, made worse by the fact that part of the M40 had been closed.

The next morning I was up to take Jonathan to his paediatrician's appointment. To be honest, it was the same old same old. Jonathan is "obviously" thriving, happy, healthy, exceeding his "targets" therefore there can be nothing wrong. As for the colic and other symptoms he agreed it sounds like he has an issue with reflux but *shrug*....

"Just keep doing what you are doing Mrs Newstead, you are obviously doing a great job".

Interestingly, he had indeed been contacted about Jonathan's trips to A&E and the child protection flag. Guess it is a good thing he thinks I'm doing a "good job"...

In the afternoon we had another HE family over, for their two boys to play with my boys. I guess I should say "hang out with" rather than play these days.

In the evening Josh went off to his last SAVVY meeting of the term. Sunday he has the performance at GUILFEST. He's going all that way without us. Not that I'm worried. Of course not...

Friday was another marathon day. I got a train at 8am into London in order to meet with EO trustees at 10am for meetings that lasted until 3.45pm. Then we went on to Fielden House where Lord Lucas had kindly reserved a room. We meet up with some home educators who had succesfully been lobbying Mark Field MP, Ian Dowty, Lord Lucas, and some of the trustees. We were also joined by some home ed children and young people and, of course, the film crew.

Between them all we managed to film some great clips that EO are hoping to put into a promo/lobbying film. I particularly enjoyed meeting Theo, son of trustee Vicky, and Alex, one of Ian Dowty's sons. Lord Lucas made a friend in Theo when he assisted him to *ahem* make use of the House of Lords branded items lying around that Theo is rather hoping someone might wish to purchase from him via eBay! Encouraging enterprise in the young, well done Ralph!

I finally got back on a train at 8pm however as said train decided to break down, I didn't actually end up getting off the train until 9. We went straight to pick up Josh who had gone to the Baseline end of term party. I think Josh has just realised why people love parties. Maybe he has inherited even more of his Dad's genes that he thought - second generation party animal maybe?!

Today I let everyone lay in. Not that Jonathan did of course. Nor William. But Samuel made it up around 9.45 and Josh was eating breakfast by about 10.45

Roarke has been out working for Channel Advantage today at PC World. He's had his hair done differently and I can't but think he looks like Rik Mayall now... It's the straight hair. Can't get used to it. He hasn't decided if he is going to keep it or not. It certainly makes having his hair long easier though, and the part that he has got in "The Special Relationship" requires him to have his hair long.

Jonathan is learning his abc as fast as William is at the moment, and loves watching Super Why. He is also almost running around now on his cast!

I'm so desperately tired today I just didn't want to play. Didn't want to be "mum". Just wanted to be all on my own. Obviously that hasn't happened! Roarke has gone off to a bbq on his own because I'm not in a social mood, which is a shame because it would have been good (and mum had offered to have the boys for a few hours). I am hoping that I can get all the boys upstairs around 9pm because THEN I might get a few moments to myself!

Mass Lobby of Parliament

(Forwarded with permission:)

Dear Friends,

Re: Mass lobby about the Badman Review and White Paper: Your Child; Your Schools; Our Future: Building A 21st Century School System.

In response to a suggestion by an MP, some home educators are organising a mass lobby of Parliament on Tuesday 13 October 2009. Please keep that date free if you want to join in. The more people who come, the greater the impact will be.

I would also be grateful if you could email me at masslobby@live.co.uk to let me know if you are coming. It would be good to have an idea of numbers and to be able to contact you with further details if necessary.

Please cross post this everywhere.

Claire Blades

Rising Stars and Purple Clumps

Well it has been a fun two weeks with an immobile toddler! Or rather, an increasingly mobile toddler...

For four days the little fellow didn't want to move anywhere or do anything. Then he realised he could sit on the floor and play. Then he realised he could drag himself around. Shortly after that he realised he could - just about - crawl. The first time he got someone to take him out into the garden he asked to go on the trampoline! Actually that was a good move because he could drag his cast around easier on the soft mat so he took to playing with his cars on there.

On Monday we went to the fracture clinic and they put a fresh cast on it. It needed it as his was black from having been dragged around, and he'd picked off most of the outer bandage!

The difference between the experts and the A&E nurse was to be expected, and the cast is the soft kind, and purple!

It is much lighter, and tighter so is less of an incumberance to him.

So much so that today he started walking again, so now we have the pitter-clump, pitter-clump of him stomping around the house.

Josh had his first paid job today, a photoshoot in Oxford. Ironically it was for an english text book for Macmillan Education! At least he didn't have to wear a school uniform.

Roarke got up with him at 5.30 this morning and they left at 6am. The shoot was from 9am until about 3pm. Late last night Roarke got a call to say he had a small role in some upcoming film which meant a costume fitting in London today! Macmillan were really cool about it and arrange shooting so that the two of them could leave mid afternoon. They got a train to London, Roarke did his fitting, then got Josh onto a train back to Bromley where he got a bus home.

Roarke has now had to get back to Oxford to pick up the car then drive home!

The things these luvvies have to do for their art

Having Samuel and William is not a good mix - even without clumping 2 year old - and they have only spent a short time together today, the result of which is that Samuel has new scars courtesy of a meltdown from William

Generally, he hasn't been too bad over the past month although we had a three or four day terrible time of it with both William and Samuel. It could have been a mixture of the moon, having had a gluten but not wheat free loaf (CODEX standard still seems to affect autistic kids), and/or having had juice from concentrate for three days. Who knows.

Tomorrow I have Jonathan's paediatrician appointment and I really REALLY hope I can get progress. I am raising the issue of reflux (no pun intended) and hoping to get some further response as to why my two year old can still scream all night in pain.

Jonathan really is chatting away non stop now, and it is fabulous - though sometimes wearing - to have a child who by two is already able to communicate so easily. Examples of speech: "mummy, something eat, rais-rais please", or going on the phone to his Nanny and as well as answering her questions, then asking "Nanny, what doing?" to show he can take part in a conversation for real! He was sitting up the table here as I typed this, and has just said "mummy, me down floor NOW!" as if to make his point :0)

On Monday it was also Roarke's birthday. We'd had a family take away on Sunday night (for the boys - "family tradition" they call it!). Roarke got a new mp3 player from us, which he was really pleased with. I'd got in croissants for breakfast (the closest I could get to breakfast in Paris for his birthday!), we had pannini for lunch (the boys had pizza), and then in the afternoon went for a lovely walk around Keston and up to look at Wilberforce's seat.

Mum offered to take the lads so that we could go out for a meal so we ventured out (in the thunderstorm!) and went to Cafe Rouge in Chislehurst - again, as close to dinner in France as I could get for the poor man! The meal was ok, but I'd rather have been in France.

A theme running through the week, as ever since we moved in, is the boiler locking out on a regular basis. British Gas have changed every part they can, everything the manufacturer says to do - and still it locks out. I think we have had hot water and shower every two to three days on average.

Talking of themes, the massive thunderstorm here last night happened whilst I was out. Driving back from Sainsburys - only 5 minutes away - the hail was so strong that all the cars pulled over for a while. Then I saw that the dip in the road ahead had flooded.... FLASHBACK! I just couldn't bring myself to drive through it - the water was over and above the headlights of the cars going through - so I drove a mile out of my way to get around to the house. Even then I drove through flooded roads for most of the way. Even the edge of our driveway was under water!

I got in to find that Jonathan was asleep - two hours earlier than usual - and William and Samuel were outside in the rain! They were having a whale of a time in the thunderstorm, doing their "flood tests" that they developed two years ago staying in Leek!

Right, I'd better go and sort them all out for bed, then stay up and wait for my biggest lad to get home

We're Not Hiding, We're... in A&E Again!

Did you see the t-shirts my boys designed? Saying "we're not hidden, we're home educated"?

Well today we certainly weren't hidden - we went to A&E again!

Long story, but basically Jonathan tripped over Joshua's legs whilst he (Jonathan) was running around on our trampoline. He screamed and screamed and after 40 minutes we took him to A&E.

Turns out he'd broken his leg!!

However... bear in mind four weeks ago we took him up there and he had a suspected toddler fracture after slipping on the stairs. Two weeks or so prior to that he'd swallowed his Nan's blood pressure tablet (that she'd left out on the coffee table.... grr).

SO the nurse called a doctor, and the doctor raised a child protection flag.

We aren't sure if he did call social services, but we ended up having a child protection interview by a Registrar.

VERY scary stuff. They did a diagram and documented every single scratch, bump, bruises, mark... everything.

They wanted to question Josh to see if his story was the same but of course we'd taken him to my Mum's with the other two whilst we were in A&E.

The positive end was that it turns out that not only was one of the nurses doing the plastering someone we knew from our old church, but the Registrar realised that she recognised me a) from tv and b) because she goes to our current church!

Praise God for having His Hand over us.

Still, I have come away so shaken. I believe actually that these procedures SHOULD be in place to safeguard children. Sadly it seems though that the abusers slip through the net and the net only catches the innocent. As Josh said on BBC Breakfast, we understand they have a job to do but can they PLEASE all be trained.

I have heard so many horror stories about what has happened to home educators to not have truly been afraid today. I had visions of myself being told that they were going to take Jonathan away, and myself calling for by standers to take my phone and call the number on there for the BBC!

Seriously, I was scared.

Praise God we're home safe. I expect this will make tomorrow's local authority home visit even more interesting. As well as the health visitor coming for the first time on Thursday...

As for poor Jonathan, he's plastered from hip to toe on his right side, and not meant to bear weight for four weeks - yeah right. He's 2!

Anyone got any suggestions for how to get him around for 4 weeks?!!

Where Have I Been?

Well I guess the majority of my readers will understand why I've been absent for a few weeks...

On 11th June Graham Badman published his Report into Home Education, and Ed Balls simultaneously published his response.

I don't know what I can say that hasn't already been said. I'm utterly exhausted, emotional wrung out, angry, frustrated...

I feel betrayed at a personal level by Graham Badman. I think any home educator (especially autonomous ones) who met him during the course of his "data gathering", and those of us who met him as representatives of home ed organisations (EO and HEAS), have a right to feel angry. A man who could have looked us in the eye and said "I assure you I 'get' autonomous home education" and then writes the insulting, inappropriate, draconian rubbish that the report contains didn't GET anything.

All we have GOT is hung out to dry.

On the day of the publication my phone did not stop ringing. At one point I was on the phone to the press, Roarke was on my mobile answering a query, and Josh had the press ringing for me on HIS phone.

At 5.30am on Thursday Josh and I got up (as did Roarke of course) and at 6 o'clock we were collected by a car and driven to the BBC. We went into the Green Room (which is red, of course) for BBC Breakfast. Tony Mooney (well known sadly to home educators) and Dr Rosemary Leonard were there. It didn't appear to occur to either of them that the child and mother in the room were there for the home education piece so they both spoke quite freely.

In this litigious society I shall refrain from posting publically what they both said, though Tony didn't say anything that we haven't heard him spout before, but I can say I was not impressed with the attitude of the Dr and hope that her comments were born out of ignorance rather than anything else.

We then went on and did our bit. If you didn't see it then the clip is on YouTube. Enjoy the moment when Tony Mooney's phone went off. The camera doesn't do the moment justice. The camera also doesn't do justice to the look on Bill and Kate's faces when I said that my boys don't do any formal academic work at all....

From there Josh (wasn't he FAB?!) and I went to the Green Room (magnolia) for BBC News Channel and we appeared on there live around 8.40. I just think my 13 year old son is AWESOME for being so willing to get up early, to go on live tv in front of millions, and be so cool about it all. Even before home ed he was an amazing person - but home ed has given him the chance to truly embrace and be what he is.

We then were brought home and there followed a manic time as the Report was then published. Every single newspaper and station in the country it seemed wanted a quote from EO.

In the midst of it all, Newsround turned up to film Josh (did I mention how amazing he is?). Then the BBC rang and asked if I could go back in for the evening news.

So at 3 oclock, having just had my first food of the day, I got back in the car - alone this time - and went back up to London. Of course this was the second day of the tube strike so the traffic all day was awful.

I went back to the BBC News Channel Green Room and went on air live around 5.40pm. Nice moment was when someone for the next news item came in and said "oh I recognise you from the tele this morning"! Fame! Or is in infamy...?

Whilst I was waiting in the Green Room someone came in from the 6 O'clock news to ask if I would do a piece to camera, pre recorded, for the show. If I had known the inaccurate way they would be linking Spry with home education in the piece I would NOT have taken part.

After I finished with the BBC I was collected by car by More4 who took me across to their studios to do a live piece for Thursday's evening More4 News live at about 8.30pm. By this time in the day I was utterly fed up with all the rubbish being thrown at home educators. Before leaving at 3pm I had had the misfortune to have been able to read the Report in detail and I was still feeling sick. The poor reporter got more than he bargained for and people who watched it said it was obvious that he was not happy with the answers he was getting and that someone was shouting in his ear to stop the interview!

By now I was exhausted and I really didn't want to do anything anymore. Roarke had come up to meet me, knowing how I would be feeling, and we got the car home together. We collected the boys from Mum; ironically our friends who are both teachers had been helping by looking after Samuel and William whilst Roarke came up to meet me, and had then taken them over to Mum who had Josh and Jonathan. Roarke drove us home then went to get me a take away as I had only had that one sandwich all day.

Josh went straight to bed, bless him (10.15 by then) and I finally got into bed at about 11.15pm.

Friday I was still in shock from the report, still answering the phone, doing live interviews on three local radio stations, still feeling displaced from everything the day before.

Saturday it all caught up with me I think! Fortunately we had a birthday party to go to, for Callum, in the Medway and seeing Sheila and Phil really helped (and Phil's home made beer REALLY helped!). Sunday I felt yuk and just wanted to sleep all day.

This week has been tough too. Every highlight brings pain because every magical family moment (like Jonathan falling asleep on me on the trampoline), every autonomous home ed "moment" (like realising that somehow, without doing a shred of written work or reading, Samuel has learnt to spell all on his own somewhere in the past few months) brings the immediate pain of realising that this Government is determined to take away my freedoms.

Another day I will write on why it is so bad for ALL parents, and why everyone should be supporting us at this time, but today we had our HE meeting and I have talked about it so much that I am sick of hearing my own thoughts.

If you haven't already, I suggest you go over to Dare to Know and read someone who is much better placed than I to outline the situation.

Please also, if you haven't already, sign this petition.

The fraudulent consultation, if you are interested in reading it, is here.

Filming, Acting, Enjoying

Scarily, without being on broadband and therefore not as involved in my online world, I've still managed to fill my days and end up with stuff undone by the end of each one.

It has been lovely though to be in our own place, and the sunny weather has added to the general holiday, freedom, new phase feeling permeating the family.

We had a family come around at the start of the week who are taking their daughter out of school at the end of July. It was their second visit to us, but this time their son came too (Aspergers) and we were all relieved to see that they got on grand with the boys (the trampoline helped!).

Later in the week we had a film crew here. They were here from 9.40am till 3.40pm! It was to film a "taster" episode on home education for a series on education that one of the channels is intending to do. It gets shown to the commissioning editors etc who decide if they want to go ahead with it.

They did an interview with Josh, one with Samuel, filmed William hunting for snails and various other William-type activities, and interview Roarke with Samuel playing with Jonathan on the trampoline in the background.

My interview was a boring talking head style.

We had Grace and her boys over from the lunchtime, and they consented to being filmed too. Lots of laughter, chaos, children, testosterone, toddlers not eating lunch... lovely lovely snapshot of families sharing friendship through home education.

We took the crew up to Keston Ponds and they filmed us going through the woods, pointing out bugs and things (as you do!) and then the boys went to their favourite part of the River Ravensbourne where they like to dam it. The camera guy was quite sad that he had to watch and couldn't take part as he said it looked so much fun!

I couldn't help but be amused at the mental picture of us wandering around being followed by camera and sound boom, as it WAS after all half term and the ponds and woods were full! You could see everyone wondering who on earth we were and/or why we were being filmed, especially when Grace and I sat down in the middle of them all whilst Grace was interviewed! I'm also wondering what our new neighbours thought of the crew in the back garden...

Josh had sailing last Friday in the morning then in the evening he had the first performance of "What Use ANY Generation?" at the Charles Cryer Theatre. Roarke took William to see it, and they all came home happy.

On Saturday we went down to Sheila's for her birthday barbeque which was really lovely (I especially enjoyed Phil's home made beers... shame I was to be driving later!). We then piled in the car and left early to drive all the way back, then Roarke took Josh off for rehearsal, drove back, grabbed dinner, then I drove BACK to theatre with Samuel so that we could watch the performance!

The show was great. All the SAVVY kids were good, as were the older generation actors who took part. I loved Josh's parts that he did, both the ensemble pieces and the three or four where he was a main speaking character.

Samuel has been really unwell now for more than two days so we are taking him off to the doctors today (hopefully, if we can get an appointment). He's got an eye infection, raging headaches, and has been physically sick for 36 hours. As Samuel is a lad who is ill about once a year, if that, it always knocks us back to see him ill. Last night he slept downstairs as he has a temperature and even with the windows open his attic bedroom was too hot for him to be comfortable :0(

Jonathan's foot seems better and he is now walking without a limp and running around as normal so we didn't bother with the fracture clinic yesterday.

Josh is in post-show freefall, anti-climax mode, and counting the days till Thursday and SAVVY as they are to be rehearsing for parts of the show to go to GUILFEST in July. He'll find out if any of "his" pieces are going to be used which is scary/exciting at the same time.

Roarke has been up since 5am when Samuel was last ill, working away. He's been using his laptop outside early morning and late into the evening/night and enjoying the sun and warmth. Beats working in an office ;0)

I thought in the heat yesterday that I really truly pitied the kids (and the teachers) in school on a day like that. At least we all had the freedom to go into a cool room, lay down, flop, drink, chill and generally follow our bodies' prompting in the heat....

All the boys other than Josh had a hair cut yesterday, to crop them short because of the heat. Everyone says that William and Jonathan look alike, but with the hair cuts now its even more obvious. See for yourself:

We're Here!!

It has been such a very long time since I blogged but I have a good excuse -we’ve finally moved!

On top of which, our broadband is not back on until 2nd June so I am currently on-pay-as-you-go dial up (hence I have written this off line and am just going to cut and paste it in when I’m online!). I am struggling to cope with being offline, only being on for between 15 and 30 minutes a day late of an evening. So if you need something, don’t email me! Use my EO number (available to EO members from their newsletters, or its on the Freedom for Children to Grow or EO websites under “press”).

Moving house with six people, including one ASD child, one Aspie child and one Aspie adult is NOT recommended. Especially moving house with no van or lorry and doing it all just using a 7 seater car. We’ve been backwards and forwards between Mum’s and our new house so many times that I think the car knows the way on its own.

It’s only three miles, but when it takes one journey just to do one wardrobe - and you’ve got 4 wardrobes - it can get tiring!

We did have one van load as a friend organised some assistance in the form of a large transit and about a dozen Mormons who came to do some “good works”!

We got the keys to the house on Friday 15th May but the carpets weren’t going in until Monday 18th. This meant that all we could do was get the kitchen stuff (crockery and things) in and put away in the cupboards.

On Monday Roarke met the carpet fitters at the house and, as they finished each room, he was in and getting on with curtain rails and making up the new beds for Samuel and William.

The fitters finished by about 3 o’clock and we started moving furniture in earnest, starting with the Mormons and their van. Tuesday was a frantic, back breaking day with Roarke and I working as hard as possible to get us in so that we could sleep there as from that evening. The house was decent enough for the boys to be able to come across mid-afternoon which mean the rest of the day was spent working around hyper children! Our first meal in the house was provided courtesy of one of the Mormon families who apparently live nearby.

We politely but firmly turned down the missionary’s offer to come and show us a DVD…

Wednesday Roarke was out all day for training for a new marketing contract that he is working on, for Hewlett Packard, so I was in the new house on my own. Most of the day was spent pottering around unpacking bits and pieces, and trying to organise myself in the kitchen. The boys and I had a nice meal together; we are all benefiting from having a separate dining room and lounge, instead of everything all being in one, and it seems to be helping William with his eating too. Jonathan is loving having his own seat at the table!

Jonathan of course found the whole moving thing quite confusing but has only taken a few days to adjust and is now happily pottering around. However… on Wednesday he hurt his foot. We didn’t see what happened but surmise that he slipped off the bottom step of the stairs, as he was trying to walk down them standing up (rather than bottom sliding down a la toddler). Anyway, for the rest of that day and into Thursday next he was really clingy and wanting to be carried everywhere and it was only by chance that we realised that actually he was asking to be carried because he couldn’t walk!

Having a toddler needing to be carried around made Thursday a bit of a tough day, as we tried to sort out some more furniture. I took the time out to do the shopping as I knew I wouldn’t get anytime on Friday (and we hadn’t done a proper shop the week before). In the afternoon Roarke took Josh off to SAVVY then met Chris, a friend from church, at Mum’s in order to help him to dismantle the trampoline. Chris very kindly stayed whilst Roarke went back to collect Josh out in order to put the trampoline up on his own here. In return he stayed for a meal once Roarke returned with Josh.

I must mention other friends who have helped out so much, in so many ways with our move.

Jane provided two whole days of helping to pack, organise and babysit, which was absolutely invaluable. For a lady with one child - who readily admits she can only cope with one - to put up with my chaotic household and four boys so willing shows just what a remarkable woman she is, and such a good friend.

Carrie was an absolute darling and offered to take my net and curtain material and returned to me a beautiful pair of heavy dark blue curtains for our lounge, and two hemmed voile net curtains for the lounge and for our bedroom.

Others, such as Sheila, have provided text and email support (as she was not able to get up here to help in other ways) which truly has been needed and appreciated.

We were also mightily blessed by a financial gift from someone - you know who you are - which meant so much in so many ways.

Thanks to all those who have followed our saga via the blog or facebook and have sent messages and left comments of support, encouragement and congratulations.

On Friday, having realised that Jonathan must have done more than just muscle damage to his foot, Roarke took Jonathan to A&E whilst I took the other three to the home ed meeting at the rugby club. To cut a long story short, it turns out he has a “toddler fracture” (that is, a fine hairline fracture common in kids of this age due to their soft bones) in his ankle. Roarke hadn’t finished at the hospital by the time we had to leave the club so we walked home - good job we only live a 15 minute walk away from there now!

By yesterday Jonathan was starting to stand on his foot again, and today he is occasionally walking - limping heavily and going very slowly) so it is encouraging that he is getting better.

I would think that having had yet another A&E trip with him so close to the last one has probably raised some flag somewhere. After all, we ARE home educators…

Josh has always had to either share with a brother or have the smallest box room at each of our houses, so I have been particularly pleased that here he has the largest of the children’s bedrooms. He’s been able to set up all his furniture and still have plenty of space and seems really happy with the room.

Samuel has the top room, which is the converted attic space, and also has his own toilet and wash basin. The room gets very hot so we will need to get him a fan for the summer. Him and William both have quite small rooms so we can’t use their computer desks from before but are having to save up to be able to get them the smallest pc trolley/desks that we can find.

We expected William to be the person who found moving the hardest but interestingly he’s been fine - I guess his world is so small and he is so present that he has just taken his world with him without any problem. Having his own space has immediately made a difference; he has somewhere to retreat to, somewhere to run to, a door of his own to slam ;0) He enjoys being able to scream at us all to keep out and go away, and it has been noticeable how this has helped both his over all mood and Samuel’s. I’m currently reading “The Explosive Child” as recommended by so many on the HE-SP list and I can tell that this is going to make a difference too.

Samuel has found it harder to have his own room. He’s always shared with either Josh or William and despite the fact that William was driving him mad, especially with talking late at night, Samuel is taking some time to adjust to the quiet and space of his own room. Having said that, having a place of his own and his own en suite is something that is giving him a sense of pride and maturity.


Josh is currently rehearsing for an arts festival that the SAVVY theatre group are taking part in later this week. He has lines to say this time and he is really enjoying how things are progressing.

He took the first formal step of his Bronze Arts Award this week, going to a classical music performance at the Royal Festival Hall last night with his Dad, as a Young Reviewer for Bachtrack. They had arranged for him to go backstage and briefly interview the conductor afterwards which was rather cool.

Roarke of course enjoyed himself as classical music is very much his “thing” but Josh was also surprised to find that he had a good time. They didn’t get home until 10.50pm!

Roarke is very glad to be out of where we were and into *his* own space again, though it is taking me longer to adjust. The first signs are there today though that I’m settling in - I’ve just baked bread and made a victoria sponge!

What else has been going on? Lots of stuff with church. We had Bill Wilson from Metro Ministries New York at our church last weekend which was mind blowing and life changing stuff, and I’m so excited to be part of BCC at this time.

I’m sure there is more, but at least I’ve managed to get this much down.

Oh, nearly forgot, my sister in law had her baby, Lily Rose, just before we moved.

Grey states with a silver lining

The housing tale is not over - we are still pursuing the council for what we feel we should be given, but the basic update is that we are waiting for a 4 bed house in Keston to be finished being renovated and then we will be moving in. Its a private rental, and housing are only paying 3 bed rate of benefit...

My main priority though is to get the boys moved, and to get Samuel and William the space they both desperately have to have.

Being in this "grey" state of moving is awful. Naturally, for Samuel, William and Roarke it is a major issue but it is also getting to Josh and myself. I definately feel like I am at the bottom of an inverted pyramid of pressure trying to cope with everyone's stress levels.

Rays of sunshine though through these cloudy days:

We took the boys to Keston village to show them their new neighbourhood and God fixed it for us to meet - in the middle of the woods - our new next door neighbour! It enabled us to have a casual chat and size each other up. I *think* she went away with a favourable impression...!

Each of the families in the three houses (we are in one semi) have four kids, though the others are older, so at least they aren't shy of larger families.

I've been going through some of the local history with the boys, covering Wilberforce, Pitt, as well as the Romans, which is kind of cool. Seems our house is an addition to what is believed to have been a gate house for Holwood House.

Josh is happy to have started back to SAVVY after the easter break, and to know he has now been registered to start his Arts Award. He also has a casting this week. Would be good if he could finally get something. We've now got the copy of the Golden Door recording so at least he now has some showreel!

Which reminds me, I need to update his website..

The boys enjoyed a trip to see the Robotic Zoo exhibition at the Hornimans museum during the week and Josh enjoyed starting sailing again on Friday.

Sadly today the intermittent fault on our kia decided to become more of a fixture, so at the moment of writing both cars are off the road. I don't really need the expensive of getting it fixed now, as we have to buy new beds for Samuel and William (who currently have bunk beds), as well as things like washing machines, kettles, toasters, dustbins and other bits and pieces that we've gradually got rid of in the three years here.

Ho hum.

First, an update on the shambolic housing tale:

After the howler complaint email I sent on Thursday evening, we finally got contacted by two Council officials on Friday.

One said that if we signed something to say we realised that they are only paying a 3 bed rate of LHA for us if we go into a privately rented 4 bed house (the one the Council introduced us to in Keston) and that we realised we have to make up the difference (well, yeah, DUH!) then they would let us go for that via them (rather than independently) which should I think mean they'll provide the deposit (though at the 3 bed rate).

The second person said yes they'd heard that was being offered, but they made us another offer. We could go as a priority A on the housing waiting list for a FOUR BED council house IF we stayed where we are now. If we leave here, and go into that other house, we can go on the waiting list if we ask, but at the very very bottom.

Questions:

1. They have in writing the fact that we can't stay here for an indefinate period, but could only stay if it was for a very short time and a fixed definate period - subject to any further deterioration. Seeing as poor Samuel and William HAVE already got worse due to the stress caused by the Council's delays and poor handling, that definately isn't going to happen. Why make an offer that they know we can't accept? Could it simply be to cover their backs so when we complain they can say ah we DID offer them a 4 bed?
2. Are they saying that they will give us a 4 bed council house but only pay a 3 bed rate of housing benefit? Is that possible? Isn't it one policy used to calculate the rates?
3. If they are saying they can pay 4 bed rate in a council house but not using their Bond Scheme, then... what?! What pot of money does the difference come from? If the rules don't allow them to use discretion on saying we can get a 4 bed rate, then how does it matter which sort of house it is in? Surely the benefit pot is the benefit pot however it is accessed?
4. are they being deliberately difficult, or just incompetent?

At the end of the day, I want what we asked for in the first place - a 4 bed council house. Its what they said we could have. They said we'd go into temporary housing - a 3 bed 2 reception council house - and stay on the waiting list as an A priority. Because they said the temporary housing could be in a rough area - not suitable for autistic kids - that was when they said well try the private rental route.

No where did they say, until the week before our original eviction date, that they wouldn't pay out for 4 bed rate.

GRRRRR

Meantime we're packing up. We've sorted and cleared the garage, and the other day we worked on the kids toys shed, moving everything out onto the lawn (see picture), sorting it, then storing it for now in our own shed which is at the bottom of mum's garden.

This has meant she can move her garden stuff back into her shed.

Roarke has also cleared his office and turned it back into a place for her freezer and other stuff.


Jonathan enjoyed finding out what was stored in the shed, and especially got excited by all the cars which he then spent ages lining up, and pushing up and down the little slope by the steps.

This week I also managed to find, as we tidied the garage (where lots of our stuff from our own house has been stored over the past three years) the old easel that belonged to me and my brother all those years ago.

I also found a bag of chalks and Jonathan and Samuel got well into it. Samuel and I talked about different art styles and in particular we talked about impressionist things.

I showed him how to blend the chalks and this (see picture) was the result.

Housing and Anniversaries

Well it didn't work out for that house :0(

The housing officer who had said we could get a 4 bed was obviously mistaken - housing benefit turned it down flat even with a VERY strong letter from the doctor to say how the whole family is deteriorating due to being in 3 beds and the two autistic boys sharing.

We've taken it to our MP, to the Press, and to the Department Head - the whole process has been a shambles with different stories being given by everyone we speak to, and nothing being offered to us at all until 10 days before our official eviction date. It sucks.

Don't anyone DARE talk to ME about safeguarding my children, and them being healthy, happy and safe when the Council treat families with SEN kids like this.

The whole moving thing is so unsettling for everyone but especially for William and Samuel. Samuel is very emotional, very anxious, with all his repetative behaviour coming out. William is increasingly violent and care-less.

:0(

On a better note, a 4 bed that we had gone to see via the Council is still a possibility as it seems the landlord may be prepared to rent to us privately despite our circumstances. We'll have to wait and see how that pans out.

In the meantime we've started the long process of packing which has already involved two trips to the dump!

We've had more friends over to entertain, with a family visiting on Sunday which was very nice. We also went last week to see an old friend of mine - snakes, sun, heavy metal music, and laughter. It was GREAT!

Samuel enjoyed using chalks today. I'd got them out for Jonathan (who took to them instantly and tried taking them to bed with him!) but Samuel had a go at drawing on the patio and got really into it. My nephew was over, and him and William and Jonathan played reasonably well with the Happy Tracks too.

This evening William had a major meltdown and I'm afraid I cracked and reacted back and now I feel suitably crap about my parenting skills - or lack of.

It doesn't help that yesterday was the anniversary of Dad's death. Three years. Can you believe it? I truly can't get my head around it. I spent all day very low and dealing with the Council did NOT help. By the end of the day I had an appalling headache and I just couldn't talk or think without crying.

This morning I got up feeling a bit stronger, and the sunshine is helping.

Houses and Friends

Well the big news for us is that we have seen a house, found a house, that we love (this is a picture of the garden) and that would be perfect for us. It definately FEELS like it is meant to be, so now we're just trusting in God to handle the paperwork for us... we need the Dr to write the letter saying that our two kids on the autistic spectrum should not share a room (which pushes us into the 4 bed bracket) and for the Council to agree to fund the house even though it is 1.8 miles outside the Borough.

The house could have been designed for us, it so specifically meets every need, and almost every desire, that we had for accomodation for us.

Its been hard to think/see beyond that actually, though I'm sure other stuff has been going on!

Our morning service at BCC on Sunday was awesome, and I came out of church buzzing - which is surely how church is MEANT to be!

William got hurt last night, they were playing and he fell back on the corner of one of their large plastic play/storage boxes. You wouldn't think that could do so much damage, but he ended up with a huge long gash on his back, nearly 4 inches long, which seemed to bleed a lot. Needless to say, he didn't seem hardly bothered at all - made more fuss of the pain/irritation of the micropore on his skin than the pain of the gash!

Today was a lovely lovely day. Some special friends who, though dearly loved, we only get to meet up with on average once every 18 months, came over today.

We met up via the internet when Serene and I were both pregnant with our third son, who both turned out to be called William! A firm friendship between families ensued.

I had fun yesterday baking and preparing (which is, you know, kind of MY THING and actually something I love doing) and today put on a good sized spread for us all - a kind of semi Mediterranean lunch.

With seven boys between us, amazingly the afternoon passed relatively quietly with all the boys playing nicely together. Serene and Richard's kids remain some of the nicest kids I've ever met and it is lovely to see these young lads growing up when I've known them for 7 years now.

As if the day couldn't be better, there was just enough leftovers to mean I didn't have to worry about cooking dinner!

So far..

Apart from having just burnt my arm on a removable bottomed cake tin (long story, which I've already bored my friends on Facebook with), what else have we been up to?

Samuel had a day long birthday celebration with one of his friends on Saturday. They kindly invited Josh to, so they went to the cinema, then to the Noodle House. Josh then came back and Samuel went on with the others to the swimming pool.

Roarke spent the day focusing on William and Jonathan. Amusingly he noted how William didn't stop talking once during the day! Where was I? A seven and a half hour Education Otherwise Government Policy Group meeting in London! It involved a tube journey on my own which was pants (I am phobic about enclosed spaces since being bullied at secondary school) and then a LOT of talking. Still, we covered loads of ground, collated feedback, argued points, and generally thrashed out the basis of another submission to the home education review from EO.

It was actually fascinating to have the luxury of such a long debate, child free, for once with other home educators face to face.

William this week did the Crucial Crew safety tests - one of the first things that Samuel and Josh did when they came out of school! For someone like William it is really important to drum those safety messages in, so I intend to get him to do it regularly. Josh kindly sat with him to do it, which was of benefit to both of them.

This week Josh has signed up to become a Young Reviewer for Bachtrack which, as well as broadening his knowledge will also hopefully become part of his Bronze Arts Award course.

We're really struggling still with William, and his violence. Only today he provoked Samuel to such a point that Samuel totally and utterly lost it, and ended up rushing into the kitchen to grab a knife... I know he was doing it more to demonstrate his pain than actually intending to harm himself, but it is still just as heartbreaking, just as scary, and still reinforces yet again how bad it could have been for him to stay in school.

He ended up with a nose bleed and fresh bruises and marks to his neck from William. William forgets it all within seconds which, as it took a while to get the story (Samuel wouldn't tell us so I had to ask Josh) it ended up too late to do anything about it in terms of any discipline or discussion with William - he simply would not remember what we were talking about.

We are trying to find ways to give Samuel the space he needs away from William but it remains difficult all the time we are here - I do hope the Council sort a 4 bed out for us soon :0(

Jonathan continues to grow his vocabulary and his precociousness. We've had to move the phone because he's worked out that he can press the call button to make the phone ring and then he picks it up and pretends he's answering the phone. However cute it is, it is still annoying - especially because he has already once actually answered the phone when it was ringing (its one of those that connects as soon as you pick the handset up) - we still have no idea who it was who rang that day as they never called back or if they did they didn't say they had first spoken to a toddler! He just held the phone and said "yes, yes, yes" but by the time we got the phone from him they'd hung up!

He also likes walking along the window sill of the bay window of our room which is equally cute and even more dangerous.

Josh is pleased that our HE group is starting up some more sailing practice soon at Danson. I gave Samuel the chance to try again (as they are also running another level 1 course) but he said a very firm no.

Please consider signing this

As some of you may know, my Dad died 3 years ago suddenly due to cancer brought about purely by having been an undiagnosed Coeliac. Following his death we found out that my brother also had the disease without knowing it, and he is now managing his diet.

1 in 100 people in the UK has coeliac disease but only 1 in 8 of these individuals has been diagnosed. At the moment GPs do not have a target in their contract to diagnose coeliac disease. By including a target into the Quality and Outcomes Framework GPs would have to deliver better diagnosis rates of coeliac disease. This would reduce the numbers of people at risk of serious long term health problems due to being undiagnosed and help find the missing half million people who have coeliac disease but don't know it.

Please consider signing the petition below from Coeliac UK and help us to put pressure on the government. You can forward the link to family and friends to sign as well. Once you have added your name and email address you will be sent a confirmation email with a link. Simply click on the link to register your signature. Please note: depending on your email security settings, this might go into your Spam folder.

http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/coeliacdisease/

This is a subject so dear to my heart, as this ripped my family apart and we are less because of the loss of Dad. I'd like to do what I can to prevent that happening to others.

Thank you,

Ann

End of the week

On Tuesday I had Jonathan all to myself. He was really stuffed up with a cold and is not sleeping well, so Roarke took the other three off to Beaver Water World with the home ed group. They got to see lots of small animals, beavers, and reptiles. Josh did the reptile handling and seemed to enjoy it.

Wednesday was a tough day. In the morning I went for William's diagnosis result, which was ASD. On one part of the questionnaire where 8 was the cut off point for showing that yes the child was on the spectrum, he'd scored 23...

It was a lot to take in even though I was prepared for it and it has caused us to sit and really reevaluate everything. We had a chat with Josh about it and said it might be easier for him to think of William as being the same as Jonathan - that is, toddler behaviour - rather than seeing him as naughty etc. To give Josh his due, and he deserves HUGE credit for this, ever since that conversation he has been spending lots of time with William playing with him and indeed responding to him how he responds to Jonathan. The pay off is huge as William is really happy and it seems to have been less stressful for Josh too.

Straight after the interview I had to drive to Hither Green for my friend's cremation service.

It was never going to be "good" but sadly it was an awful experience. As a Christian I get very uncomfortable at "christian" services for non-Christians. My friend's mother had been religious and I understand he had been baptised as a baby and on that basis his father had arranged a religious funeral. But my mate was an atheist and for his friends sitting in the pews it was so uncomfortable to listen to stuff that we knew he was utterly opposed to. We all expected the lid of the coffin to fly off to be honest and him to sit up and answer back! At one point there was a huge gust of wind and the skies darken and some of us couldn't help looking at each other and winking as we all thought the same thing!

The person taking the service didn't know my friend, and had obviously only spoken a few words with his father - who sadly didn't really know his son either. So there was just one sentence actually about my friend and the rest was just the service in the book.

It was excruciatingly painful, sad, and made me very upset. When we came outside it was obviously that all his mates felt the same. We all agreed that if we'd planned the service it would have been about what our friend wanted - but then I guess funerals are for the living not the dead :0(

Some of us went back to the house to pay our respects then we slipped out and joined the others in the pub. THAT was when it really felt like we were saying goodbye properly. Standing in a pub, insulting each other, playing practical jokes on each other, and sharing funny stories about our mate was the reality of our friendship with him and each other and I felt so much better after I'd been there.

It was great to see some mates I hadn't seen for a LONG time, and reminding me of my dim and distant youth and all the stuff I got up to ;0) The only thing missing was my friend.

The next day I woke feeling awful having obviously come down with one of the many bugs going around. With both Jonathan and I ill I had to cancel a meeting I had with a local LA which was a shame. The only highlight of the day was watching Roarke try on an army uniform for a marketing film he was starring in the next day! Shame I felt too ill to take advantage ;0)

The only boots he had suitable to use for the shoot as part of the uniform where his old work/garden boots, so that meant an evening of spit and polish for me. I didn't mind, as it kind of took me back and made me think of Dad. We used to spend hours together getting ready for parades, and especially for competitions (both Dad and I were British Legion Standard Bearers, I went up to Area level, Dad as far as National). I am extremely good at polishing shoes to service standard!

Roarke took Josh to SAVVY and back for me, as I really wasn't safe to drive as I was so dizzy, and it sounds like Josh had a good time as usual.

Friday was a long day. As well as the usual household stuff like shopping in the morning I also went to London in the afternoon as part of a group from EO going back for a return meeting with Graham Badman. Like I've said elsewhere notes from the meeting won't be out till next week as we all need to compare notes and write something coherent, and between family commitments amongst those of us there, it isn't going to happen quickly. Needless to say the meeting was only noteworthy for me in what we didn't find out.

Roarke was filming all day but we got a chance to relax a little late in the evening once we were both back home, before an early night. Only once in the past fortnight have we gone to bed after Josh! Gosh how old am I?!

Today I did some baking to relax and try to get my head together, making bread and biscuits and then sorting out a nice roast for the evening. I noted that the free range chicken said it served 3-4 and yet we managed generous portions for two adults, three kids (well, Josh and Samuel are more adult portion actually), Jonathan's dinner, and then 10 portions to freeze down for more meals for him. I assume that means people usually waste huge amounts as I can't believe it is because they eat all that much meat. If they do, well, no wonder obesity is rising. Having said that those of you who have met either Roarke or myself will know we don't exactly look like people who eat small portions so... like I said, it must just come down to waste.

Jonathan is currently sitting on the table next to me trying to get onto his push along train which is ALSO on the table... you can see where this is going to end can't you?! Yes I know he shouldn't be on the table but you try reasoning with him!