This Week...

I didn't realise I hadn't posted all week!

What a week though.

Background themes include trying to fill in DLA claims for William and Samuel for the first time. The parents on the HESP list have been really helpful with advice, guidance, and general support.

The boys have been on Club Penguin, and have also got to grips with the new Lego Network. I must confess to having been the first member of the family to be a Lego Club Member! So, if you want, check out our pages: Mine, Joshua, Samuel, and William!

On Tuesday Samuel had his sailing lesson. Sadly, after falling in last week, when he actually got to the point of having to climb into the boat, he found that he couldn't face it. I tried my best to help him, but I'm not as good as Roarke at getting in touch with Samuel when he is like that, and a full blown meltdown ensued. As William had already had a meltdown over the other kids (not sailing) who were there not wanting to play HIS game, I decided to quite and come home. I'm not sure yet if he's going back to finish the course. It's very sad, as he was doing so well with it.

Wednesday we had our friends Sheila and Callum here for most of the day, which was really good. Sheila helped talk me through the DLA form, which was invaluable. I also just found the time to make some flapjacks that I could eat too, and some GF chocolate brownies for the boys (and our guests). In the evening I played taxi driver, taking Roarke to the college for his teaching, and then collected him two hours later to take him to church cell group!

Thursday I remember ended up being a very busy day, and I didn't get any of the things done I was meant to - but I can't now remember what happened! I do remember I got time to do the shopping, and that it was in between something else..... oh and the trampoline arrived.

Friday morning I got up to bake - GF bread rolls for hot dogs for the boys, GF/CF/egg free carrot cake and chocolate cup cakes, so that we had stuff to take later on that day. I then drove Joshua to sailing, turned around, came back, finished off the baking. Packed all the food up, took the others (and Roarke) over to the Bromley hall, where there was a birthday party for two of the children (hence the food). Roarke then stayed with William and Samuel whilst I put Jonathan BACK in the car, back over to collect Joshua from sailing. Then BACK to Bromley for half an hour. All in the car, take Roarke to the opticians, back home. Collapse. Regroup, then out the door over to our friends Grace & David as their little lad was celebrating his first birthday. We left there around 7.15 I think!

Saturday I got up with the urge to, as I described it to Roarke, "change something".

The result was to completely rearranged Samuel and William's room, dismantling Samuel's old bed - which was a high sleeper that had desk, cupboard and shelving space underneath. THAT meant a trip to Argos for a new wardrobe and three cupboard/shelving units. All but one of the new items got built, and the room is 3/4s sorted! Then I ran out of day and energy.

This morning as soon as the boys saw the sun, they wanted to know if the trampoline was going up! As soon as we got back from church, therefore, Roarke and I grabbed a light lunch then went out to dismantle the existing climbing frame, then set up the 13ft trampoline.

That took just short of two and a half hours - Roarke did as much as he could, in fact he did TOO much for his foot, which is slowly recovering.

I'm now sitting here worn out and with a splitting headache, realising I've got nothing sorted for dinner and I have nothing in the freezer, and anyway no inclination to cook!

Friends and Al Fresco

This morning we all went to church, then came back and the boys had some gf pizza for lunch.

My brother popped over, and his wife had kindly found 400+ balls (at a boot fair) to put in the bouncy castle.

Continuing the theme of recycling/second hand toys, we then went off to collect (thanks to Freecycle) a Little Tykes coupe car, and a toddler see saw. Its brilliant to have all this stuff for Jonathan especially as we gave all our stuff on after William so its nice to feel that what goes around comes around.

Whilst we were out, Roarke and I popped into Lidl (an old favourite shopping haunt before we were gluten free) and stocked up on some tasty treats. Back home via Tescos for a few more, then we came home and packed up a picnic dinner.

As a surprise we then whisked the boys off to High Elms for a early evening, continental style dinner al fresco. What made it extra nice was that there were two HE families there, with their friends and families, celebrating one of the daughter's 10th birthday. That meant the boys were able to hook up a little with some of their friends whilst we were there.

Feeling mellow (if worn out!) we then all came back home for much needed baths!

Hot Weekend

Friday managed to start off even busier than Thursday!

In the morning I got up and did the breakfast routine, fed Jonathan, then drove Joshua over to Danson Park for his level 2 sailing course. Then I drove back, past home, and onto the supermarket to do the weekly shop. Then back home, unload the shopping, fed Jonathan again, then back off to Danson to collect Joshua.

Home, a late lunch, then put some liver into a marinade (red wine and garlic) for dinner for the evening.

The afternoon was a bit quieter. We set up all the pop up tents and tunnels in the garden, and Jonathan had a great time crawling around between them all, looking very cute.

Samuel did some more of his maths upgrade.

Dinner was tasty - I sauted off some mushrooms and bacon, reduced the marinade, and lightly cooked the liver slices (2 minutes each side). To my satisfaction, all the boys ate it, even though it is quite a long time since we've had liver (they were all weaned with it and used to love it but I have got out of the habit of having it). We had plenty so Mum joined us.

Jonathan slept well during the night - 3 hours, then 2 1/2, then 2, then 2. Much better than usual.

Today in the morning I went to get Roarke's prescription, collected a vintage dressmakers dummy (freecycle) that I hope to restore both for ebay photos and for some home ed projects.

We finally did something we've been meaning to do for ages and ordered a trampoline from Argos. We made the wrong choice two years ago and bought the climbing frame instead of a trampoline - the climbing frame has already broken!

Today I also put up the bouncy castle, complete with own fan, kindly given to us by another HE family whose kids have outgrown it. All the boys love it - especially Jonathan!

In the evening Mum treated us all to fish and chips, and then we settled down to watch Dr Who.

Now, Jonathan has fallen asleep AND gone up into his toddler bed AND stayed asleep.... so I am sitting here with my fingers crossed just about to pour myself a drink...

I'm soooo tired!

This morning Jonathan woke us about 7.30am. As soon as Roarke got out of bed he said that his foot was hurting. By the time he'd made it down the stairs it was REALLY hurting. I knew this, because he went and got some painkillers without my suggesting it - not normal behaviour!

With his history of gout etc, although the pain didn't seem usual for gout, he phoned the GP. By that time his foot was going red, and starting to swell so she said to go to A&E.

That meant getting the boys their breakfast quick, then popping Jonathan (and Joshua to help) into the car and driving him to the hospital. I got him in, got him settled and went to the cafe to get him some coffee (as he couldn't walk unaided by this point).

Back home. Made gluten free cakes for the boys, gluten/dairy/egg etc free biscuits for Jonathan and myself. Made a packed lunch. Drove the boys to a home edders house in the Medway (about a 35 minute drive) where some of the teens had got together.

We had lunch, the boys played on the Wii, the trampoline, and then some of them did some archery lessons. Jonathan explored the garden and patio. We all agreed this beat being school mums (and dads) hands down, and the kids definately didn't look like they were missing out on socialisation ;0)

Took a phone call from Roarke (finally!) to hear that the problem was that he has torn the ligaments between his metatarsals, presumably as a result of his shoes not providing sufficient supporting during his training. We later found out, during an internet search, that he was possibly prone to this due to having "mallet toes". This may mean that he can't take part in the triathlon as he may not recover in time. I hope he does recover, as he will be so terribly disappointed - even depressed - if he can't do it.

Late afternoon we left the Medway, drove home, got dinner for the boys, rushed out to the shops to get something for myself, then back to catch up on my emails, and have now just driven Roarke out to the Alpha course he is taking a guest to at a local restaurant.

Is it bedtime yet?!

Basking in the Sun

Well, the sun just somehow lifts one's spirits, doesn't it?

Sunday and Monday were quiet days, enjoying the sun, though Roarke had to work :0(

On Tuesday Samuel had his first lesson for his Sailing Level 1. This really is such a huge deal. This is the child that, just under three years ago, came out of school traumatised, depressed, scared of being around other children, with no confidence and low self esteem.

On top of that, he has his Aspergers with all that means in terms of socialising, and visualising something that he has never done before.

So I am immensely proud of him that he undertook to take - and finish - this course. Roarke went with him, and Samuel enjoyed it, despite being in the only boat that capsized! Again, what a tribute to him (and Roarke's "reframing" of the situation with him on the way home) that he handled that happening without a meltdown, and just about keeping a grip on his confidence.

Go Samuel! Home ed wins again!

Today I was due to attend some Government showcase event, connected to the Children's Plan (ha ha) but decided that actually, listening to a load of PR from them, didn't come as high up on my list of priorities as being with the family, having fun, and earning some money!

So this morning Roarke and I both worked on our various income streams. We then packed up a picnic and went to High Elms, where we met up with our friend Grace and her three boys.

Roarke cycled there (about 3 miles or so) as part of his training regime for the triathlon.

We had our food, the boys climbed trees, some football was played. Then we went for a short walk around the walled garden, learning about bees, watching pond skaters, guessing which animal had nibbled the nuts from the tell tale signs left on the shells, talking about apple trees, discussing copicing, and trying to find the illusive zebra spiders (I offered a pound to the child that could find one, but fortunately my money was safe!)

All lovely, lovely afternoon.

Back home, Samuel did a level on his Maths Upgrade, and they are now all back out in the garden.

Jonathan improves on his walking day by day, and continues to eat almost anything except food!

What a Twitter!

Yeah, I know, something *else* I'm committing myself too!


Well, some days (most days these days it seems) I don't get the luxury of sitting down and blogging. Yet throughout the day I find myself composing my blog, writing up my day.


So I figure maybe, just maybe, if my phone is to hand, I can "twitter" it instead.


It won't stop me blogging - apart from anything else the word limit is too small ;0)


If you want to follow my Twitterings then, use the thingy on the right hand side of the page.


If *you* twitter, then let me know too! Please tell me I'm not alone!



The past few days I've been very unwell. On Thursday, when we had a day of sunshine and thundery showers, I got an awful headache. I'm known in the family as getting "thunder" headaches as I'm sensitive to the change in pressure, so we all thought it was just that. But it got worse and I felt so bad on Friday that Roarke had to take a day off work. I can't remember the last time I couldn't cope to the extent that he had to do that. As a mum you tend to keep going, don't you?


He took Joshua sailing, and very kindly took the other two as well (they played in the park) so that I just had Jonathan around.


Anyway, it eased slightly Friday and I got a reasonable night's sleep that night.


Saturday I still felt groggy but had too much to do. Roarke was working away (Leatherhead) but we'd taken ownership - courtsey of Freecycle - a set of bunk beds. As we had been planning to buy some for William and Samuel, but not knowing if they would find they like sleeping in bunks, it is a real blessing to get some for nothing.


Saturday morning therefore, I made some gf bread, put the washing on, then dismantled William's wooden mid-sleeper. Washing out on the line, next lot on, stop to make lunches, then assembled the new metal bunk beds.


Needless to say I got dinner for the boys, but Roarke brought us in a take away - I'd used all my energy up by then!

Attachment Issues

There has been a thread on one of the HE lists over the issue of "attachment", in the context of leaving a child for the first time at playschool/school etc.

It is an emotive subject and one of course where a parent must make their own decision. But speaking as a parent who did it, thinking it was "normal" and the only way - and who now know differently and wishes someone had enlightened me, I was deeply impressed by the post made by one parent.

It is reproduced here with his permission, and I hope you find it as stimulating as I did.

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I speak as a qualified social worker who covered attachment as part of his degree course. I am also father to a 3 year old and 6 month old.

The issue here is the whole attachment process. This is a basic survival mechanism which has been observed in all birds and mammals. It works on the infant by keeping her close to the parent, and the parent by keeping her close to the infant, and making her tolerant of the infant.

It is the conduit for love. A child's attachment hunger is stronger than its hunger for food, so powerful is this force. It keeps parent and child close to each other, until the child is mature enough to be able to survive on its own. Attachment also stimulates brain development, laying down neurological pathways until about the age of 7, when the attachment foundation has been laid.

Basically the stronger the bond between infant and parent, or other primary carer, the better the child is able to relate to others, the healthier its relationships, and the higher its self-esteem. Strong attachment actually boosts individuation, the process by which a child gets to know himself as aseparate, discreet individual.

Attachment boosts independence.

However the way we live now, is so anti-nature, that children are shunted off, away from their parents before they are ready. This weakens the attachment bond between parent and child and has been shown to lead to all sorts of problems later on in life, including behaviourial problems, higher degree of addictions, aggressive behaviour,r elationship problems, and earlier sexual maturation.

Let your children move away from you naturally, when they want to. They will know when they are ready. Until then they will come and go as and when they choose.

This is healthy. They are learning about themselves, their capabilities and their world.

For more on this go to youtube and search under "attachment". There are some excellent short clips that explain it better than I do. I also reccomend searching for Dr Gordon Neufeld on youtube.

Read this for an introduction to childcare and attachment. You may also find the following useful:

"Why love matters" Sue Gerhardt
"Hold on to your kids" - Neufeld

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Fox Update

Sadly, the fox didn't make it :0(

The lady from the Fox Project phoned to say the young female cub had severe jaundice and therefore this on top of the leg injury was too much.

Still, glad to know I did what I could.

Whilst I have mixed feelings about foxes - Roarke has strong views having seen what they do to chickens for example - I could never leave any animal like that, in pain, to die on my lawn without trying to do something.