Thursday, April 13, 2006

Soldiering On

I seem to spend most of my time in the car these days, as it takes an hour to drive to the hospital. I'm going in every morning between 11 and 2, then taking Mum in at 3pm before coming back home. Roarke leaves for work at 3.30pm so that means the boys stay with a friend or neighbour for that overlap in time. It means I'm only seeing him for an hour a day (as he is on lates) which is tough because it means I'm not getting any time to be comforted and strengthened.

Dad is much brighter and clearer headed in himself, which is fabulous. He is talking about things in the future (which he wasn't even before the op) and is obviously trying to find strength to fight this. On the downside, he has some infected fluid in his body, and fresh blood in his stools and from him chest. This could therefore mean either the surgery is not holding (as his bowels were in such a poor state to be stitched back together) or even that the cancer has spread and caused new perforations. If that is the case, there is nothing they can do as he would not survive another operation (the anesthetic in itself would be too much, even without the surgery).

So, on the one hand there is cause to feel hopeful, on the other hand, it is as bleak as it can be. The rollercoaster of emotions is exhausting me.

I am aware that the boys have done little structured learning, and I don't want to push things as J in particular realises that his Grandad could die and is quite upset. However, I've noticed that they have been doing things off their own back a lot. S has decided to set up a gardening service to raise money to pay to have Disney Cinemagic (!). He is designing a flyer that he says he is going to put out through everyone's door offering to weed, plant, dig and generally tidy garden's. Bless him - he's only 8! He said "If someone needs heavy stones moving, I might need some help, and if they live far away, I might need a lift there. If they are close, I'll just put all my tools in my wheelbarrow and walk - the exercise would do me good". What a sweetie! The fact that he doesn't have a wheelbarrow has escaped his attention!

I'm off to the drs this morning for my sinus pain, as it is so very bad still. I'm also dizzy and tired all the time, but I guess that's the stress. Not sure if I want the dr to take my blood pressure..

Did I post this link? Got it from another HE group - the Science of Having Fun. Seems good.


Steph said...

Did you receive the comment I just wrote? My browser went all funky, and I'm not sure. :-)

Anonymous said...

Ann, it is a horrible roller coaster ride, isn't it? Lean on the Lord in you dear hubby's absence. I'm sure he wishes he was with you. The uncertainty is definately the worst part, isn't it?

Laurie (British Columbia)