Monday, August 14, 2006

Actions and Reactions

Not a good day today. Far too much tension around the family. Last night we had a tearful Joshua up untill 11pm. For some weeks we've commented amongst us adults how he is so sensitive towards myself and Mum (his Nan) over losing Dad. If anyone mentions death, dying, cancer, or anything connected to Dad, he always comes over and hugs us, or touches our arm, and offers silent sympathy and comfort.

Last night it all came out that he's been trying to do that for our sakes, and hiding his own grief. I thought it unlikely that he wasn't grieving, and had been worrying that there had been little sign of it. Now it transpires he's been shutting himself in his room, or going down the garden, so that he can cry without us hearing/seeing. And each time he offers us comfort, he then goes off shortly afterwards to cry himself.

My poor, darling lad. It broke my heart, seeing him so upset because he felt he was failing us by not keeping his emotions out of sight. He is worried that being sad around us will make us sadder.

Mum, Roarke and I just held him and all cried together, and tried to make him understand that our grief is not his responsibility, nor his burden. We talked about how the Bible tells us to mourn wtih those who mourn, and laugh with those who laugh - because when someone is mourning there are no words truly to comfort - you can only comfort by sharing in it with them.

Naturally, it meant we all went to bed drained and emotional. I pray that God will comfort Joshua, and that Joshua will learn to give his burdens to Him.

This morning I think we were a little "hung over" emotionally, and sadly Roarke and Mum had a major falling out, with me caught in the middle. That has really set the tone for the day. More or less, everyone has kept to themselves, so in some ways it has been a really quiet day!

What didn't help was our mortgage company this morning telling us that, because we hadn't returned a letter (that we hadn't actually ever received) to confirm that we wished to switch to interest only for a time (to help us with our financial catch up), we were actually 3 months in arrears (because we'd been paying the interest only amount they told us over the phone to pay). Apparently, that meant they were going to start to repossess the house on Friday - as we don't yet have a completion date.

Isn't it unbelievable that Abbey National expected us to pay for their error?! We had twice phoned to request the change over of repayment type, and never had anyone said they were sending a letter - or that they hadn't received one. We'd had no warning of this.

After several choice words from Roarke, and informing them that we were contacting the Ombudsman, they miraculously managed to find someone in Customer Services who admitted the error and apologised, and removed all the £500+ legal charges due to go on the account. We will now, apparently, actually get the letter.

Not helpful in an already fraught day.

My brother today went for his biopsy to confirm/rule out the actual development of Coeliac Disease, following the positive blood test. More worrying, however the up side was that we got to look after baby Thomas (now nearly 6 months!) for 5 1/2 hours. The little fellow is getting used to being with us now, and Mum and I have fairly well got it sorted on how to look after him between us.

*sigh* Glad to get today over with, I think.

One very bright note - I today found out that another home educator I'd "met" on an email list actually only lives less than half a mile away! And has a son just a bit older than Joshua, and with very similar interests to him and Samuel. That cheered the boys up, and we hope to meet with them this week.

I also think I may have a venue for our science projects - watch this space!

Tomorrow we are off to meet a new HE family in the Medway - really looking forward to that.


Carol said...

Poor Joshua, what a brave lad he as been for such a long time. Glad it came out thought, it has drained you all. Hope everyone makes friends soon and things arent too fraught. Great news about the other HEer though.

Anonymous said...

(((Ann))) I am so sorry for everything you are going through. I admire your loving strength and courage in the way you helped Joshua.