Friday, April 28, 2006

The world keeps on turning..

Life is, inexorably, moving on – with or without us. There are things that must be done, papers to see to, arrangements to be made. These things help to keep my Mum and I somewhat occupied.

Today we handed over Dad’s clothes to the Funeral Directors. Whenever Dad went away – whether in the Navy, with the Police, or later as a truck driver, we would always leave little notes for him to find. Mum and I each wrote a note which we placed in his suit jacket. In our notes we were able to say the things that we wished we could have said to him, on the end. Words of love, and thanks.

We have had so many lovely cards, and letters. The thought that so many have taken the trouble to write personal messages, is comforting. All of the tributes have been moving, all have been another expression of just how much this man meant to so many people. The funeral will be, it seems, well attended, with Standards already due to come from 7 different ex-service branches, and with National, County and Branch members of the Royal British Legion due to be in attendance.

I will now be moving, with my family, into my old family home to share with Mum. Life has come full circle – the house had been bought between my parents and Mum’s parents, with the two couples existing happily together. When I was but a baby, my Nan died of cancer, so I grew up in a household with two “Dads” as my Granddad was always with us. He was a constant presence in my life, and we grew very close. Losing him when I was 16 felt like loosing a parent.

So now my boys will grow up with two “mums”, with their Nanny with them always. This house is a comfort to them – they are familiar with it, and with their Nan, and her constant presence now is helping to make this painful time as easy as possible for them. The house and gardens that gave my Brother and myself such a lovely, secure backdrop for our childhood, is now to provide that for mine. My Brother and his young family will probably move slightly further away, and it is a comfort therefore to him to know that Mum will have company and support in the future.

As for me, the house brings constant pain but also comfort. I have so many memories tied up within its boundaries. Gardening, in the midst of the beauty that my Dad has created, is in part a healing activity. However, I soon found myself yesterday realising that, as I weeded, I was thinking “I must ask Dad..” only to stop, in pain, with the realisation that I couldn’t. After that, I had to pack my tools away and come in.

The boys are gradually easing back into their learning. J has settled down to maths, and S is slowly coming around. Unfortunately, we are back to square one with trying to get him to sit in front of a book to write, but we’ll get there. No one is pushing them – they have a lot of grieving still to do. They are also working through a lot of leaflets that we got from the UK Parliament.

I was recently interviewed for an article on women who “give up” things in order to deal with the education of their children, and I am the home education “person” within the piece. I am not sure if I will get sight of it before publication in a women’s magazine, but I am hopeful that the piece will be good. I am due to have a “photo shoot” next week, which could be interesting. My house is currently half emptied, and half on the way to being “house doctored” to sell so the camera person may need to have some creative camera angles!

I’m still on “dial up” rather than broadband, so I am not able to pop in much or catch up on reading the blogs of my friends, but hopefully within the next few weeks that will change.

Thank you all, for your prayers and support.


Steph said...

I greatly enjoy reading about your love for your parents. (((Hugs))) I am praying for all of you.

Lady Liberty said...

Please tell us which magazine when it comes out.

Lady Liberty said...

Please tell us which magazine when it comes out.