Love Doesn't End With Dying

"Love doesn’t end with dying
Or leave with the last breath
For someone you’ve loved deeply
Love doesn’t end with death"

"…Bill always seemed to be someone who would go the extra mile. He is going to be enormously missed by so many people and I am proud to have known him…"

Four years ago today my beloved Dad died. The quote about him above was just one of many messages we received from friends in the weeks that followed, and it really sums him up.

From the very start I was a Daddy's Girl. Dad worked as a truck driver up until my mid-teens and was often away for days or weeks at a time on long trips. I always missed him terribly and was ecstatic to see him home. So much so that one year it was my downfall - literally! I remember hearing his air horn sound and hear the truck pulling into the lay by opposite our house. I ran out the back door to look over the fence, and promptly slipped over on some ice, fracturing my coccyx - I couldn't sit down without a rubber ring for months afterwards (not a Good Thing when you are 13, already being bullied, and now have to take a rubber ring into school to sit on....).

It was worth it :-)

Even now, four years on from his death, I find it hard to conjure up memories of Dad. Not because they aren't there, but because they hurt so very much. Yet at the same time I'm scared that if I don't think about them, they will fade.

I have lots of lovely childhood memories, of home, of family holidays, of cuddles with Dad. I remember him feeling I had got too old to come in bed for cuddles - Dad was a very "proper" man and always concerned about what was right - so he insisted that I stayed above the covers in future if I went in for a morning cuddle.

We clashed, like all families, during my teen years. Looking back now - as an adult and more imporantly as a PARENT - I can see why! I wasn't an outrageously rebellious child, and to be frank, most of my escapades were kept well away from my parents who didn't know the half of it ;-) But I tested Dad to the limit with some of my late nights, unsavoury boyfriends, playing heavy metal loudly, and all the other stuff you would expect from a teenage girl!

(so glad I've got boys...)

One shining memory is of Dad's face the day I got married. The grin on his face made the Cheshire Cat look like the Mona Lisa. The pride he felt in me was so obvious, so humbling, so warming, so loving.

When the minister asked "and who gives this woman away?" Dad stepped forward and said in a loud, cheerful voice "I DO!" and all the guests laughed at his enthusiasm.

But I know that when I moved out, he missed me terribly, despite his show of being glad to see the back of me.

I know he enjoyed helping us set up our first home. Over the years he helped with gardens, flat roofs, numerous broken down cars... nothing was ever too much trouble.

My joy was complete when I saw Dad holding his first grandson, Josh, for the first time, in hospital in 1993. His face was indescribable.

Oh this hurts so much to write..

I was so blessed to see how much joy his grandsons brought him over the years. He never lost his special awe over his first grandson, and was incredibly proud of how Josh was growing up (Josh was 10 when Dad died). As Samuel grew though, there was a special bond between them as they shared a love of trains. Dad used to take Samuel to train fairs and shows, and it was lovely to see them have something special, something private to share in (as he shared with Josh over a love of birds and nature).

When William was born however, whether it was because we named him after Dad, or some other reason, but there was a strong connection. William would stick to him like glue whenever they were together, and they played endlessly.

With hindsight, I think Dad would have found it unbearable to see how William's personality is affected at times by his ASD, and there is no way Dad could have coped with his violence.

Of course it pains me every single time I look at Jonathan that he never knew his Grandad. Jonathan is such an amazing child, with all the best bits of his brothers rolled into one cute package with his own bits mixed in. I know Dad would have been fascinated with him and, having retired, would have enjoyed spending lots of time with him.

[good grief - knock on the door at 7.30am by a timber merchant, who had got the wrong address. Good job I had put a jumper on over my pyjamas... but not good to open the door like that when you are in the middle of crying so hard... goodness knows what the guy thought...]

It is painfully ironic that the only reason we are back in this area, having lived in the Medway once we got married, is because of Dad dying (and us selling up to first live with Mum, and now renting). If he had lived we wouldn't be this close to him - something he would have enjoyed so much.

Dad never counted himself as significant in any way. I grew up knowing that he felt a failure for not having been "educated" and not having had a "proper job". He compared himself to those around us with fathers working in the City, "something in banking", to those who had at least two holidays abroad each year, and two cars on the drive. We struggled to have a holiday each year, we grew our own veg, and Mum made our clothes - by today's benchmark we were pretty close to the breadline at times.

Dad had been thrown out of home aged 14 and signed up - illegally - to the Royal Navy by his father who lied about Dad's age in order to get rid of him. Dad loved his years in the Navy, and said to me - in a rare confidence shortly before he died - that it was the first time in his life he'd felt loved. Just before Mum and Dad married he left the Navy to join the police force - another job that he enjoyed.

By the time I came along the shift pattern and hours of the police wasn't working out with a young family so he left for trucking. He stayed with that until just a few years before he retired, when he switched to being a parking meter attendant - a job that got him out and about (he could never have worked in an office).

Through the years he first ran a local British Sub Aqua Club branch, then volunteered for the Royal National Lifeboat Institution local branch, and then the Royal British Legion.

I was proud to be able to share this with him, as we both served as Standard Bearers, taking part in competitions and having the privilege of marching on hundreds of remembrance parades as well as taking part in the Lord Mayor's Show and the Royal Tournament. Dad also took part in the Cenetaph parade on a number of occasions.

Everytime I hear a bird sing, every time I look at a flower, every Remembrance Day, every time I see an image of the Royal Navy, every time a truck goes by, every time I go into my garden, every time the car needs fixing, I miss him.

Every time I see an elderly couple walking by, and know Mum is alone (they'd known each other since Mum was about 7), I miss him.

Every time I see a lady out with her Dad, I miss him.

Every time I see a grandad out with his grandchildren - in the streets or at a park - I miss him.

Every time I look at my children - I miss him.

Every tough moment I face, I wish I could still call him up for a hug.

Every happy experience, I wish he was there to share.

Every time I have something to be proud of, I think how much more proud he would have been.

Every time I bake something gluten free - I regret not having had the chance to show Dad that, despite being coeliac, he could still have had all his favourite cakes and pastries - because I would have put every effort into trying to make the most amazing foods for him so he didn't miss out.

Every year, from Mum and Dad's anniversary at the start of February, through to the anniversary of his funeral in the middle of May, I spend every day missing him and mourning him so much more.

I wanted to write something that somehow conveyed, and honoured, my Dad. I was inspired by this post by a friend which moved me with its expression of love and loss.

But I can't do him justice. Maybe it's my writing skills that have let me down.

Maybe it just hurts too much.

Dad - I miss you more than I can express - You will never, ever be forgotten.

Gardening

I feel like I've been paying for my two lovely days of self indulgence, because I got up this morning to the realisation of a very long list of things to do!

I managed to get done most of the things I needed to do in the garden. I planted out another 12 cabbages (and put the remaining 12 on freecyle), 6 more broccoli plants, and the pink fir apple potatoes, and sowed another row of carrot seeds.

My chilli peppers are through, so I potted them on. I also planted the french beans I received courtesy of the BBC Dig It offer, as well as the basil seeds that they sent.

I've just got enough room left for the courgettes - the tomatoes will all have to go into pots!

My thyme is picking up lovely now that I have put the pot into a sunnier position, and the mint and chives are coming up.

Roarke started to take the shed down today. It isn't watertight and is very old, and the landlord said we could do what we like with it so... When he was loading some of it into the car to take to the dump, he saw a tree felling truck pull up at the traffic lights by our house. On the spur of the moment he went over to ask them to quote on taking down the tree at the bottom of our garden (next to the shed, which are both behind the trampoline). The men turned the truck around and came straight in to have a look and offered us a half price cash deal if we could say yes there and then. It was very convenient to say yes, and so within barely 45 minutes the tree was out.

Not only has this added more sun to the garden (which is south facing and sunny anyway), but also it has shown us just how much wasted space was down there. The garden is about 15 foot wide, and the area behind the trampoline is easily 8 foot I'd say.

The question is what to do with it?

The area is raised, where the sloping garden was terraced, and edged with railway sleepers. It would be really hard work to dig it all out and therefore be able to move the trampline back towards the end. The other option is some new play equipment. Argos offered us children's garden play equipment up to the value of the climbing frame that they recalled (as it was faulty/useless), so we've got a new slide and climbing frame that would fit down there.

However, looking at the area, it would be lovely with a canopy, some trellis, fairy lights.... a lovely night time nook...

The slide and swing that Argos have sent are going in Mum's garden. The remaining item is a little outdoor playhouse that we've put up on the patio and Jonathan has moved in to ;-)

The Blessings of Friendship

This weekend has certainly turned out so far to be one of the most relaxed, happy, and enjoyable birthdays I think I've probably ever had.

All of it has been made possible by the friendship of many amazing people, who I am truly blessed to have as friends.

On Friday I spent the day baking, cooking and preparing for Saturday.

The marinaded/slow roast beef was joined by cola ham, and chicken roasted with lemon, thyme and rosemary.

I baked olive oil gluten free baguettes as well cheese and sesame gluten free loaves. As my brother, who is a coeliac, was coming to the birthday party I wanted everything to be gluten free.

Fortunately, as it turned out, the bread was so tasty that no one on the day noticed/complained about there not being any "normal" bread!.

In the evening, my generous hearted boys told their Dad that they were clubbing together to buy a take away for dinner.

Their Nan (who was over helping out with Jonathan) matched them pound for pound, so I was able to relax in the evening and take a break from cooking!

Saturday morning dawned with an beautiful clear blue sky and gorgeous sunshine and the day just got warmer and warmed. This meant we were able to put chairs outside and our guests were able to make the most of our sun-trap patio.

In the end we had twenty-six adults and twenty-nine children here!

Some friends brought food to contribute, and someone generously provided juice, fizzy, and wine (as well as crisps and chocolate for the kids!).

I also have to mention Max who managed to combine all the things I said were my favourite sweet things (meringue, fudge and toffee) and made the most amazing dessert that disappeared really fast!

The food all went really well actually, which was a relief. Just a few left overs - enough so I didn't feel that I'd undercatered, but not so much that I could think no one like the food! An experimental roasted vegetable and cheese tureen that I made at the last minute on Friday turned out to be one of the biggest hits.

I was too busy to take photos, but as always Henrietta did that for us all - I'll let the photos speak for themselves.










One of the nicest things about the day was the chance to catch up with people that I hadn't seen in months, or in some cases, years. The bitter-sweet part came from having Mum and my Brother there - but no Dad. He was present though in our thoughts every moment.

The celebrations continued in the evening when we went out for a meal with eight friends. My friend Stan was able to come - I've known him for 23 years! - which made a nice "seasoning" to the group who were all new friends from BCC. I really enjoyed the company and it was a lovely end to the day.

Today, my acutal birthday, the sun is still shining and I'm off now to church to give thanks from a VERY grateful heart.

Life Stages

We're really packing it into the days this week!

On Friday Samuel and Josh went to a friend's house from 11am till 8pm. Whilst they were out, we took William and Jonathan over to meet with Vicki and the boys, and we went for a walk/pond dip and general hanging out in the sunshine.

Saturday, Samuel went out for the whole day with his friend Alex, for Alex's birthday. They went to the Comedy Club for Kids in London, then for a meal, then back to Alex's until after Dr Who in the evening. By all accounts Samuel had a great day.

Sunday was church, with Roarke taking part in the second drama of a series that they are running during April. It sees him in his soldier's uniform, playing the part of "Brad", an actor... as you can imagine he is getting a lot of laughs :-)

On Monday we had a family day out with our friends and their children. We went to Greenwich to the Royal Observatory, and then had a picnic in the park - despite the somewhat artic winds blowing across the hill! We then went back to their house (to warm up!) and relax. A really really lovely day.

The rest of this week so far has been a mixture of business, charity work, family stuff, and generally rushing around.

April is of course a really bad month for me, and as always I am mentally and emotionally spending most of my time thinking about this time back in 2006. This weekend will be my 40th birthday, and that added "life stage" kind of atmosphere is, I guess, making my grief sharper this year.

We had hoped to have a party at a hall, but for various reasons this has been downgraded to having friends over on Saturday for a buffet lunch. Just as the kids always get to chose their "party food" for their parties, I've decided what we're eating on Saturday - and it is all my favourites! This means everything is either meat or cheese based (savoury) or meringue, fudge or toffee based (if sweet).

I'm hoping peope are going to be able to bring food, but I'm doing the bulk of the catering myself. I'm making it all gluten free as not only is my coeliac brother coming, but also obviously two of my boys are gluten free, and two other guests are gluten free.

It also kind of feels fitting to me, in Dad's memory :-(

At the last count I had 14 adults and 22 children coming...

I've just started the preparation. A beef joint is marinading for 24hrs now in red wine, thyme and rosemary from the garden, garlic and shallots. I'll slow cook that tomorrow, then slice it for the table. I've also made my first batch of gf dough, making some olive oil bread.

This is the view from one of my kitchen windows:
I love this photo as it manages to encapsulate most of who I am and where I'm at right now.

Two measuring scales (a necessity with all this baking), a batch of gf dough provingin the sunlight, potatoes chitting, windowsill chilli seedlings, two pot plants each a gift from friends visiting for dinner.. then looking out into the garden the left hand walled flower bed has crocosmia bulbs coming up at the back, then strawberry plants, then a few primulas at the front for colour. The black seat is off Freecycle (of course!), and the table is 8 years old and on its last legs (literally!). Behind that is my new vegetable patch with garlic, cabbages, brocolli, carrots, beetroot and leeks all in the little patch that you can see, and edged with spring bulbs inherited with this house. And of course the trampoline :-)

Gardening

When we moved in here the landlord said that we could do whatever we wanted with the garden.

We've got a lovely sunny patio, and the middle section of the garden was just a lawn (an old leaky shed is on the very top bit). We put our trampoline at the end of the garden and just left the grass.

Four weeks ago we decided to dig up the lawn to make room for vegetable and flower beds. I've left a one metre grass pathway that leads from the steps of the patio to the trampoline. The rest is mine!I'm really happy with how it is looking. The soil has been turned over regularly, and raked to a reasonably fine tilth.


I found a number of bulbs when I dug up the lawn and turned everything over, and so I planted them around the edges of the new vegetable patch.

Happily, these have turned out to be white campanulata, miniature daffodils and the others are yet to show me what they are!

This has given a little colour to the garden, along with twelve mixed coloured primula that I got from the garden centre opposite us.

I've also salvaged some sedum and one hebe (as well as two rose bushes) from the ragedy stuff that was here when we moved in.

The strawberries we inherited have been successfully split and are now coming away lovely.




Also, as well as garlic and early potatoes, the garden now has cabbage, broccoli, leeks, two types of beetroot and LOTS of carrots growing.

I've also got rocket and coriander in tubs.

The two sets of potatoes planted by our gardening group as part of the Potatoes for Schools initiative are both through.

We've won a battle, but not the war

Thanks to the support of opposition MPs, home educators yesterday saw the Ed Ball's "flagship" CSF Bill take some heavy damage.

Clause 26 - the home education clause - was thrown out of the Bill.

Home educators across the country lifted a glass/cup at 9.30pm to toast our relief, and all the efforts of hundreds of parents and children across the country who had spent the last twelve months fighting off the invasive, aggressive agenda of this government against our community.

However..

The war isn't over. Labour and the current DCSF leading civil servants have succeeded in casting aspersions onto home education, and in sowing poisonous seeds of doubt in the minds of local authorities, children services professionals, and the general public.

Home educators have now got to weed out all of those lies, replant healthy relationships (you can tell I've been gardening today!), and generally spend precious time and energy (that we'd rather be spending on our children) on trying to fix things.

Most of all, we have to consider how we are voting on May 6th. I'm not the only home educator who is aghast at the thought of having to vote tactically JUST on the basis of one issue. There is so very much within the Tory manifesto that I disagree with, but this one policy affects us right to the core of our family in a way that nothing else could (other than policies that infringe our Christian values and lifestyle - which is why I personally won't be voting Lib Dem), so I am left with very little choice other than to vote for the Conservatives this time.

I am under no illusions as to what might come after a Tory win, in terms of home education getting back on the agenda, but I think that will be secondary to the local level (and media level) battles that will face us.

To put it bluntly, most local authorities didn't know how to correctly operate within the existing legal framework, when it came to home educators. They didn't know the powers they had, and they didn't understand what powers they didn't have.

DCSF have played with their minds over the past fourteen months, and all the inaccurate statistics, misinformation and rhetoric has now left us with the situation where schools are refusing to take children's names off of school registers ("because you have to get permission now from the LA"), where local authorities are turning up with tickbox forms to "assess the suitability of your educational provision" and much more.

Unless there is a change at senior level in DCSF, then even a change in government will not be enough to bring clarity and calm to the situation.

I allowed myself the luxury of a celebration last night, but I remain in battle mode.

Community, Kitchen Tables, and Fund Raising

Sunday saw our Community Day at church. We had a visiting preacher, excellent worship from Ariki, and a Hog Roast. Roarke went early to help set up and to run the barbeque for the children. Samuel went early (having of course lost an hour's sleep due to the clocks changing) as he was helping in ROCK for both services. I had the opportunity to serve with the others on the catering team in serving people their food.

All in all it was a great day, and the weather held!

Jonathan spent the morning with his Nan, which meant that we could all serve without anyone having to watch out for him and meant his Nan got to see him.

Josh and Samuel got to go bowling in Orpington with some dozen or more other teenagers in our group this week, and it sounds like they all had fun. They also had a really good evening with some of the young people in their life group last night.

Trying to find things for William to do whilst the others are out is often hard. When they went bowling we went to buy him a game for his computer, but then when we got home we found the graphics card on his laptop isn't up to it, so he still can't play it. Poor William :-(

Two more Freecyle triumphs this week have been an ikea chair - in exactly the right blue to match the other living room furnishings - which Jonathan has claimed as his own, and today a lovely play kitchen that we collected from a house in the next road along from us! Jonathan said "thank you Mummy and Daddy - this is the best thing ever!" His little face was a real picture :-)

I made schnitzel for the first time this week and everyone love them, so that is now going on the regular family meal list.

Thinking of that, these are our regular meals that I select from every week (depending on what is on offer at Sainsburys!). Perhaps you could share your list?

• lasagne
• pasta bake
• cheesy chicken pasta
• chilli
• bolognaise
• shepherds pie
• chicken pies
• pork schnitzel :-)
• pork tenderloin
• toad in the hole
• sausages and onion gravy
• roast chicken
• chicken in a wine sauce (sometimes a jar, sometimes home made)
• mustard pork
• roast beef (rarely)
• paella
• nasi goreng
• fish pie
• risotto - might be prawn & pea, mushroom, chicken
• fish and chips
• fish with hollandaise sauce
• chicken curry

Of course sometimes there are days when the boys have chicken burgers, chicken kievs or chicken nuggest (Josh has normal, the others have gluten free), but honestly that is probably only once a fortnight.

On Tuesday I was out most of the day on a seminar about social enterprises, which I attended on behalf of our church. I came home very fired up!

The potatoes that our gardening group planted from the Potato Council are through, as are the cabbage, leek, lettuce, coriander, chilli and garlic. The cold snap seems to have slowed things down though this week :-(

Having lived here since May - surrounded by woodland and the like - we have been amazed to have not seen a single squirrel (a huge problem at my Mum's house). This week, within hours of putting up a bag of peanuts for the birds, they were in our garden! The pigeons have also arrived to pick over the dropped sunflower seeds.... I love birds and I want more in our garden but I don't want the pigeons!

Things I've baked this week, other than more of the fabulous bread, included iced chelsea buns
Talking of cooking, if you love food, loving cooking, baking, and talking about food/swapping recipes, please join my new Facebook group, the Kitchen Table!

Talking of links, the most importan one on this page is THIS LINK to sign up to sponsor Roarke in the London Triathlon, to raise much needed funds to continue feeding, clothing and helping those in desperate need in the Borough of Bromley.

Saturday morning bake off

Been cooking again today :-)

First, a gluten free olive oil boule from the recipe from Healthy Aritsan Bread in Five Minutes a Day book. If you know anything about gluten free bread, you'll know from looking at this picture that the recipe is AWESOME! Not only does it look like real bread, slice like real bread, taste like real bread, it SMELLS like real bread!

Next I used some of the dough to make "burger buns" to take for our church community date tomorrow, so that Samuel and William and others in the church who are gluten free can have buns with their Hog Roast or (for the kids) barbeque.



Then by popular demand (and I mean demand!) I made some more gluten free chocolate eclairs.

First, put 75g of diced butter, a pinch of salt and 200ml water into a saucepan and warm gently until it all melts.

Then bring to the boil. As soon as it boils take it off the heat and immediately add 100g plain gluten free flour (I use the AiA mix of 4 parts rice flour to 1 part tapioca starch and 1 part potato starch). If you've never made choux before don't panic - it will immediately go lumpy. Beat like mad with a wooden spoon for just a few seconds and you will see it comes together. When it comes away cleanly from the sides, then this stage is done.Allow the mixture to cool for a few moments before adding three beaten eggs a little at a time and beating well after each addition. You want a smooth, glossy, thick mixture (a little looser than normal gluten choux). You might reach that stage before using up all the egg if you are using large eggs. Should look like this:I am fortunate enough to have an eclair tin - much easier than piping it because you have a looser mixture if you are making gluten free due to the need to have a little more liquid as gluten free flours absorb more liquid than gluten flours. I use the eclair tin actually a lot to make gluten free finger rolls so it is worth investing in one. Bake in the oven, at 200C/180C fan for 30 minutes until puffed up and lightly golden. Take them out of the oven and out of the tin immediately. Make a slit along the side of each one to let the steam out otherwise you end up with soft insides.
Get 1/4 pint of double cream, add 1 tbs milk, and beat until stiff enough to spoon in to the inside of the eclair. Put 100g sugar and 100ml of water into a saucepan. Warm through until the sugar is all dissolved. Bring to the boil and boil for 3 minutes. Allow it to cool slightly and when it is still very warm (but not hot) add 50g dark chocolate and 25g diced butter. Stir it until it has melted in then wait for the sauce to cool enough to be thick enough to top your eclairs. Or, if you are like us, grab a bowl and just pour the sauce over :-)
Now I'm off to make some giblet gravy for tonights roast duck (thanks to the 1/2 price deal at Sainsburys)...

Telephone Lines and Ready Steady Cook

The week has seen the usual regular activities sprinkled with a few extras: church on Sunday (Roarke was serving in creche), he had drama practice on Tuesday (he had a 24hr bug thing on Monday so missed rehearsals as he went to bed at 7.30pm and slept till 9am!), on Wednesday he took Samuel and William on a home education trip to the Royal Observatory.

The boys both really enjoyed it, including the presentation and the workshop that had been organised. It is interesting to see just how different William in when he is interested in something - paying attention, Roarke said that he asked lots of questions, knew lots of answers, and generally got fully stuck in. He's also continuing his own, slow progress in recognising letters and words.

Samuel is definately well into his teen stage, including being eyed up by some school girls on the bus on the way home from the trip apparently!

Josh is pining for SAVVY as they have broken up for the Easter term. He's learnt all his lines for his part already and can often be heard practicing them.

Last Monday the local exchange had problems and we ended up losing our phone line and our internet too. I got very stressed!

So, as a result, my kitchen is sparkling, my bakeware drawers have been tidied, the top of the fridge has been cleared cleaned and sorted, and I baked. Lots.

Gluten free bread (Olive oil bread from the Healthy Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day
book, but I ran out of olive oil so used mainly canola oil - still smelt and tasted divine!)

Samuel helped make gluten free donuts (of which only these two and half were left by the time I got the camera!)
and of course some chocolate easter crispy cakes

I also made some great dinners, but I always forget to take photos of them!

We got a phone line and internet back after 48 hours but after not having any phone calls in two hours (unheard of) we realised there was still an issue. Sure enough, the engineer had made some wrong connections and we have someone else's phone line/number! It is actually quite upsetting as I know that not only are media calls going unanswered, but local home educators enquiries are also not getting through. Seeing as I take several a day usually, this is really concerning. BT have said that we are a priority - because of those helpline calls - but we are now a week around and apparently someone is coming out tomorrow to "the property". Why they need to come here I have no idea when it is a mistake at the exchange. I've got a horrible feeling we're going to have our phone number changed.... surely I can ask for compensation if so?

Thursday I was really busy. My mum came over to focus on Jonathan so that I could focus on our business. Where2EatinKent has now become a limited company and we've got some major projects on the go. It was good to be "working" for a change (lol) and actually the thing I was working on was very rewarding and I soon got into the swing of things and got lots of work done.

Today we had a local home educating family come over, who we've met once before some time ago. The children were William's age and younger and it was good for him to have friends around that weren't older than him for a change. The kids all had fun, and us mums had a good chat.

Josh and Samuel have gone out to get to church for 5pm to serve in setting up Baseline, ready for when it started at 6pm.

I'd been rumaging in the reduced down section at Sainsburys and had bought some garlic ciabatta and some taste the difference cannelloni. Now, I know I should have read the packet, but still I think it is badly done that the cannelloni need sauce to be able to cook them but it doesn't highlight that in anyway. So there I was, ready to put them in the oven, suddenly seeing I needed a jar of tomato sauce and a jar of cheese sauce to cook it.

It shows how far I've come as a cook I guess, and how confident I am now, that instead of throwing a wobbly, I just thought "oh well, I'll have to make some".

I sauted off two shallots, melted in an anchovy fillet, put in a glass and a half of red wine (frozen down in portions you see, from the left overs of a bottle of wine a dinner guest brought a few weeks ago), added a tin of tomatoes and "seasoned to taste". I then half blended it then left it to reduce down to thicken. Meanwhile I made a roux to make up an extra thick cheese sauce. Some fresh thyme from the garden went into the tomato sauce along with one ball of frozen chopped spinach. Once that had defrosted out into the sauce I then pour it into a dish, added the cannelloni, topped with the cheese sauce and some torn basil leaves (from the pot on the window sill) - and into the oven. Served with the ciabatta and a totally-out-of-place glass of gluten free beer, it was LOVELY!

So glad I had the confidence to make that up myself :-)

Spring Fever

It is good to see birds in the garden. When we moved in there was just an unkempt border with ugly shrubs, an untidy lawn, and a patio. Now with most of the garden dug up for vegetables there is plenty for the blackbirds and robins to pick over. Seed and peanut feeders in the little tree has encouraged the blue tits in too.

I've cobbled together a very old upright shelf system covered with plastic to make a temporary greenhouse for my seedlings.

As well as gardening, I'm baking. I'm making use of Google Reader to subscribe to lots of lovely blogs - all things cooking (gluten and gluten free), gardening, and gardening and small holding!

Today I've made a gluten free crusty boule, chocolate shortbread, and chocolate eclairs. The photo of the eclairs was taken before the chocolate sauce went on as it was a bit runny so we just served it up in a bowl!

Please, please consider sponsoring Roarke for the London Triathlon - you can find out more here.

Working Cars and Gardening Clubs

The background thread to the past two weeks continued to be the car. The friend who had kindly lent us his car whilst he was out of the country for three days called us the following week to tell us that HIS car had broken down too!

This put us back on the buses; public transport is ok but the sort of busy, disorganised life that we tend to use doesn't lend itself that well to bus travel and having to allow an extra half hour to get anywhere.

Sundays are a classic example: Roarke went out early to get to church before the first service started so that he can set up the cafe, I take all the boys on the bus later to the second service, then the issue of a half hourly service when you come out to get the bus back just 5 minutes after one has left and you have to sit at a bus stop with a tired toddler for 25 minutes (on those silly bench things that don't fit bottoms the size of mine...), then grab lunch and Samuel and William need to get a bus to Urban Saints, then whoever takes them has to walk back as there are no buses back for ages... then a bus or walk back to meet them 1 1/2 later and get a bus back... its exhausting just typing it!

Getting Josh to Wallington on a Thursday is equally as difficult, with a 1 1/4 hr journey of two buses and a tram to get him there.

Anyway, on Sunday a friend offered to tow our car over to a diesel expert in Thornton Heath ready for them to work on it on Monday. Whilst being towed Roarke engaged the engine to use the gears to help break - and the car started! So, the rest of Sunday we had the car working. Monday we got up and decided to catch up on some jobs. Roarke delivered some furniture for the Hope Foundation, and then went and took bags and bags of stuff over to the recycle centre. However when he got back in the car - it wouldn't start! He waited for the breakdown service who got him started again. We decided to still drive it over to the garage as there was obviously something going on. Long story short, it was something to do with the immobiliser. So as of yesterday we have a working car again - phew! Praise God!

It was great the other week to have Henrietta and some of the younger children over for the afternoon. William appreciated having friends of his age to play with, and I appreciated the chance to chat!

Last Saturday we had friends over for the afternoon and evening. We had just finished telling them about our scary experience at A&E last year when Jonathan broke his leg when yep you guessed it, he hurt himself again on the trampoline!!! Apparently he slipped over (running in socks on the trampoline) and he wouldn't stop crying. He said it was his leg.... we all prayed, and decided to wait and see how it went. All day Sunday he refused to walk on it, crying and saying his foot hurt. Monday he stood on it but he was dragging his leg; GP said it sounded like a hip problem and advised us to go to A&E. We phoned, texted and emailed all the Christian friends we could think of and asked them to pray.

Thankfully, A&E wasn't too bad other than one odd/snide comment from a nurse, and after several hours they sent us home and told us to come back if he wasn't walking on it by Thursday. He was, though still limping, and a week later he isn't fully back to normal but it was obviously therefore a muscle injury. Needless to say I've banned him from the trampoline!

Hasn't the change in the weather been lovely?! As soon as the sun shines I get on with the housework (for once!) and then the gardening.

I love my gardening! We've dug up 3/4 of the lawn to use for planting and I'm really eager to get on with it now.

A few families met this week for our new home ed gardening group.

We planted our potatoes from the Grow Your Own Potatoes project, and sowed carrots, cabbages, leeks, broccoli, squash, lettuce...

Great stuff! The kids all seemed to enjoy it - especially the digging for stones to use for drainage - which was of course the main point. We'll probably meet up weekly or fortnightly now.

Now I've just got to work out what to do with all the trays of seedlings... anyone got a spare greenhouse?!

What A Wonderful Life

Thanks to the generous loan of a car by a friend at church, we got out the house today. Josh and Samuel took the bus (it is an ordinary seater car so we couldn't all get in) to Bromley and the rest of us met them there.

We went to the bookshop to spend our World Book Day tokens (which we got posted out to us from EO), then on to the clothes shops. Shock No 1 - Josh now needs to shop in the menswear department not the kids section! Shock No 2 - Josh looking drop dead gorgeous (that wasn't the shock!) in a very grown up blue shirt...

Next we headed over to a cafe for a drink and a snack.

I love being with my family. I am blessed that not only can I truly call my husband my best friend, but also I am honoured to be able to count my sons as best friends too. We had our usual laugh, chatting, sharing, teasing, smiling over cute things that Jonathan was doing..

Shortly before we left a lady got up from the table next to us and came over and put her hand on my shoulder. She said she just wanted to congratulate me on having such a lovely family. She commented on how all the children had eaten with their mouths closed (!) - even the two and a half year old. She couldn't help but be enthralled by Jonathan - everyone is! She'd also noted how relaxed we all were, how friendly, how polite, and it was clear that our relationship with each other was something that stood out as being unusual and noteworthy.

Her husband then commented "don't let it go to their heads!" which, whilst we laughed, actually was quite a sad comment really - why shouldn't my boys be proud of themselves for behaving in such a way? I hope I always encourage, compliment and reward my boys.

It was so nice, that I think we all felt a bit choked up.

Next we headed off to the 99p shop to get a long-promised replacement toy for William (for a Christmas present that had broken straight away). Samuel took some money out of his bank, and Josh had a couple of pounds that his Nan had given him (for turning up at his Cousin's 4th birthday party and putting up with being bored to tears surrounded by screaming tots for nearly 2 hours - just because he had felt it was the right thing to do for the sake of his Cousin). Josh decided that he wanted to treat Samuel and William "because I don't do it often enough" (he said) and proceeded to spend his £2 treat money on treating his brothers.

Once again, Roarke and I were choked up.

I am truly, truly blessed. I thank God for my husband, and for my children. I thank God for home education which allows us the freedom to each be ourselves, and to have the family lifestyle (being together) that we all want and enjoy.

None of these things are things that I take for granted, and all of them are things that I will fight tooth and nail to protect and keep.

Kitchens, gardens and Church

Today was a bit of a kitchen day! I started the day by mixing up a Master Recipe batch from my Healthy Artisan Bread in Five Minutes book. Next I put some chilli in the slow cooker. After that I made a batch of gluten free oat & raisen cookies. Finally this evening I made a self-saucing gluten free chocolate pudding! Yum!

In and around this we enjoyed a visit from Grace and the boys who we hadn't seen for ages, which was nice.

Our home ed group is registered with the Organic for Schools project and I'm hoping to encourage little groups of families across our area to get involved. Some of us here in Bromley are going to meet together regularly to "do" gardening. This is tying in nicely with the Potatoes for Schools project. We start chitting the potatoes tomorrow then in two weeks time we can get together and plant them up. The kids can then nurture and grow them over the following months. This year they have a weather chart to go with it so we have given William the job of writing up the weather every evening for that day.

In January I was inspired by the story of the Strauss family from Gloucestershire who only put one dustbin a year out for landfill. They had explained that it wasn't just about reusing and recycling - it was about changing your buying habits. If you would buy something usually that came in packaging that couldn't be recycled, look to buy a version that was packaged in something that could be recycled.

Since taking that on board, and since getting hold of a compost bin again (thanks to my best friend Freecycle!) we have gone from two and a half sacks a week (for a family of six, including nappies - yeah I know, but that's my one big sin, we use disposable nappies), to today only putting out one sack plus one pedal bin liner's worth. I'm really chuffed!

Some of this has been down to using the Recycle Now website where you can put in your postcode and find out where you can recycle different things, as well as checking what your council collects from the kerbside.

Of course, this would be a lot better if it wasn't for the fact that having now started collecting lots of different things ready to be taken to our nearest recycling centre, our car is off the road! Last Sunday Roarke had to go up to A&E because his foot had ballooned and started to turn purple. I dropped him at the hospital, took Jonathan to his Nan's, took the others to church, left church and came home to drop the older three boys off, got back in the car to go and collect Roarke (who by then had left and got a bus over to my Mum's to wait for us) - and the car wouldn't start!

My brother ended up coming to the rescue to bring Jonathan and Roarke home and our car has been off the road ever since - nine days now. The mechanic has gone over it, spending three days on it - no idea. Everything he has tried that could/should be the fault, hasn't been. He even drained the tank and put new fuel in, just in case we'd had dodgy fuel in. Nope. Nothing. Nadda.

I'm not a happy bunny and I am clinging to the fact that God has A Plan...

We've spent a fortune on bus fares, even allowing for having prepay oyster cards (and the boys having their oyster cards with free travel) and it has made some things really complicated. This Sunday was the hardest, with our friend Chris kindly taking Samuel to church for 8am as he was serving in Sunday School, I then got the bus to get there for the first service at 9.30am and Roarke came on the bus with the others for the second service at 11.30am!

It really brings home how busy and complex our lives are when you have to preplan everything around the bus time tables!

I've had my first go at serving on the catering team for church and I really enjoyed it. I can't wait to do more now! I'm really happy at how we are all finding the chance to slot into serving at church. Jonathan is happy in creche, William loving ROCK and everyone is always commenting on how lovely the two of them are. Samuel helps in ROCK (Sunday School) every four weeks for both services, handling the multi media. He is now hoping to start going along for the Baseline Band practice so that he gets a chance to have a go on the drums, and then staying for the worship band practice in order to learn how to handle the multi media in the main church - a HUGE undertaking because our multi media is awesome. Josh is looking at deciding to start serving at Baseline helping to set up. He's done it once and now needs to make a decision if he is willing and able to commit. Roarke is in the drama team, taking part in drama now most weeks at church. He also takes a turn once every four weeks in creche. I'm on the funding team and now the catering team.

It feels SO GOOD to be in a church where there is space and room for us all to individually find our way and I am grateful on a daily basis to be here.

Let's get something straight

As is usual in all these cases where a child tragically dies, everyone is now desperate to point the finger and shift the blame.

Elaine has summed it up perfectly:

Simple fact of the matter is that the school tried to save Khyra, the social services could have saved Khyra, the EWO could have saved Khyra, the police could have saved Khyra, the neighbours could have saved Khyra instead of leaving unreported the fact she was left standing outside in winter in underwear, the family could have saved Khyra instead of walking away, AND Khyra's father - who wants you to relieve him of guilt by taking the blame for his absence from her life - could have saved Khyra. I could not have saved Khyra. I did not harm Khyra. I was not there. If I had been I would have joined the school in expressing my concern to the Family and Authorities who could have saved Khyra

I find it disgusting that some are now publically making statements that are simply untrue, in order to justify the extreme measures currently before Parliament, that is Clause 26/27 of the Children Schools & Families Bill.

None of the existing procedures and process appeared to have been followed correctly in this case. Therefore it cannot be rationally used as justification for bringing in new measures. It can only be misused by those who ought to know better, who claim to have the interests of children as their priority, to feed the current witch hunt against home educators.

I trust that the Lords who are now to debate the CSF Bill will show integrity and refuse to be swayed by media hype but instead chose to stick to the FACTS.

My "education summary" for my LA

Having made it clear to my LA that I will not have any more home visits - in protest over Badman/Clause 26 et al, I decided to agree to their "suggestion" that I send a report in instead.

I remain convinced that what I see as an accurate, honest and appropriate summary of how home education has looked for our family - and where we see it going - will not be acceptable if DCSF gets it's way.

With that in mind, I am sharing the summary that I sent this week to my LA - which they have accepted.

Since our last visit from our LA’s EHE team (around June?), the family has continued to follow an autonomous style of education. Each child is allowed to follow their own interests, and to progress at their own pace. We occasionally have conversations about things that we – as parents – would like to see happening but
we do not force them to do anything (other than tidy their rooms!).

Joshua’s main focus continues to be drama and acting. He has taken part in two shows with the SAVVY Young Company (http://www.savvytheatre.co.uk/young.htm). The first was "What Use Any Generation?" Josh wrote a review of the project for Youth Theatre Now magazine as part of his Bronze Arts Award (see pages 8 and 9 here http://www.savvytheatre.co.uk/ytn.pdf).

A cut down version of the show was also performed by them at GUILFEST in 2009.
The second show was DAGS (http://www.savvytheatre.co.uk/yngpast.htm). Josh is currently working on the next show, Midsummer Night's Dream, where he is playing Theseus, Duke of Athens.

Josh is about to submit his Bronze Arts Award work for accreditation. This has included writing a website to showcase his "arts hero" – David Tennant (see
http://www.artsaward.joshnewstead.co.uk/).

He had a modelling job, on a photo shoot for Macmillan Education, which was fun – if somewhat ironic!

Outside of these things, like any teenager, he spends a lot of time on instant messenger and facebook chat keeping up with his friends. He also helps out at Baseline in Bromley – the largest youth group in the Borough of Bromley – every Friday.

He maintains his own interest in current affairs via news website and the BBC news channel.

Samuel continues to progress amazingly well. He has made tremendous efforts to deal with the quirky aspects of his personality resulting from Aspergers and his social development has been incredible. A year ago, he would not go on a bus, would not want to be out when it was dark, would not have stayed away from home and was awkward in peer social situations.

However in the summer he decided to go to Rock Camp, the 5 day youth camp for 7-11 year olds that our church runs every year. For a child with Aspergers this was such a big deal. Going away from home for the first time, new people, new environment, crowds, noise, no privacy, shared sleeping, games, activities, constant stimulation... the list of challenges he had to overcome is long. Yet not
only did he go but he met all those challenges and grew noticeably as a result.
He now helps out on a monthly basis in Sunday School for 7-11 year olds, being responsible for the multi media.

He attends a weekly teen group along with Josh which involves them getting a bus to and from Bromley in the dark. Again, this is a significant step for Samuel (though he still won’t go alone).

Despite have no formal "lessons" Samuel has worked himself on his spelling and towards the end of the summer went from having quite atrocious spelling to now a very competent level of writing.

Somewhat counter-intuitively this seems to have come about from using chat/text speak via instant messenger and the in-game chat facilities on World of Warcraft. He can type very fast, and very accurately.

Samuel is keen on cooking and is currently designing a website to showcase his gluten free cooking (http://www.samuelspecialsupplies.co.uk/). He is also designing leaflets to hand out to local people!

William’s progress has been slower but we are aware that his issues are more complex.
When we were living with William’s grandmother the situation had become untenable and, in particular, sharing a room with Samuel had led to multiple meltdowns on a daily basis. Since moving into our own place in May – where William now has a room of his own – these meltdowns are less than one a week.

He now attends Sunday School weekly on his own (as his brothers are in different groups) and also goes to Urban Saints on a Sunday afternoon – again, whilst Samuel goes as well they are in different groups. This is significant because William has to manage without any of us there to interpret to him, and on his behalf. Whilst it is obvious that he is failing to grasp some 60% or more of what is happening during the sessions, he is enjoying them. His section leader is SEN-trained which is a
bonus.

William has not wanted to learn to read and we took the decision to wait until he appeared ready and willing to learn (I do not feel it is appropriate to force an ASD child to learn something they do not want to – quite apart from it being very difficult!).

Despite this, William has made some amazing progress with his reading. In true autonomous style, this has taken place via Club Penguin! Within the Club Penguin website there is a place that he can take his character that has a "library" where you can "take a book out" and read it. The idea is that you type the words you see on the screen to turn them from grey to black, and every now and again you can select one of two words to go into the story. Despite not being able to "read", he attempts to do this. He sits and tries every key on the keyboard until he finds the right one.

He has his own laptop which of course has a keyboard all in capitals so hardly any of them look like the letters on the screen. This means he is learning his capitals at the same time.

This experience led us to discuss as parents the relevance of the actual alphabet (as a learn-by-rote activity). The relevance of the order of the letters is not as relevant in today’s society. Other than being able to recite it, or use it for codes, or filing, why do you need to know it? However the relevance of the position of the letters on a keyboard (or on a mobile phone pad) seems to be more important.

In addition to this, William wants to use an online game that his brothers have used and as such has decided that it will be useful to be able to read. He is now voluntarily spending half an hour a day on sites such as Super Why and Star Fall practising spelling.

As a family we have enjoyed the company of many other home educating families both through regular organised gatherings and through the many family-to-family relationships that have been formed.

We’ve made use of the plethora of home education groups in the South East of London and across Kent and taken part in many of their outings. This have included the Annual South East Home Educators’ Beach Day, a visit to a chocolate factory, the Britain at War Experience, and Reigate Fort to name but a few) as well as outings to parks and indoor play areas.

Our hope for the rest of 2010 is that Josh will continue to pursue his love of drama. We will need to discuss with him whether or not he wants to progress to the Silver Arts Award and/or look to take GCSE drama or indeed start looking at the entry requirements for drama school.

We will continue to encourage his involvement in the community activities through our church, reaching out to the desperate and needy of Bromley – and particularly to the disenfranchised youth.

Samuel has recently developed a serious interest in drumming and we are seeking someone to teach him how to play the drums. We also hope that he will pursue his love of cooking. We intend to provide as many opportunities as possible for him to follow his entrepreneurial instincts.

William needs a lot of support as he starts to become more aware of how his ASD impinges not just upon himself but upon others. Blissfully unaware for the most part of the world around him, it is important that he discovers those things that he needs to be able to manage in order to take part in the wider world – outside of his family, church community, and home education community where he is understood and supported.

This needs to be a slow and gentle process.

As always, we will continue to be guided by our children to ensure that progress is relevant, appropriate, and timely.

Ups and Down

I managed to upload my new background image from twitter to Blogger too, so I thought I'd better post something to draw attention to it, lol!

The photos are used here with kind permission, but are copyright to John Walmsley 2010, educationphotos.co.uk (thanks again John).

As always, we seem to have done lots yet done what feels like very little in the past week or so! Roarke took the boys on a home ed visit to Reigate Fort. William in particular really enjoyed it and Roarke said he asked some really insightful questions. It is brilliant to catch these glimpses of what is going on inside his head and to be encouraged that some things ARE going into storage in his memory banks... Generally speaking, with the ASD, it seems that everything is now and nothing else has any meaning. His world is his immediate vicinity and this present time only.

He hasn't made any more effort to sit in front of the reading websites but we have noticed more and more that he is obviously reading an increasing number of words around him.

An interesting thing has been that Jonathan has taken to "reading" his own bedtime stories. He knows them all off by heart (the Peppa Pig collection) but has never sat and looked at the pictures (he's usually playing in the bedroom or in his bed when we read them). A few days ago he took one of the books and started turning the pages, saying the story out loud as he went. It was fascinating to realise that he was looking at the pictures, working out what was going on in them, and then adding the mental commentary that he had in his head - sort of syncing the visual and the audio if you like. Of course this "reading" of the pictures is exactly how Josh and Samuel learned to read and is a natural stage.

What we noticed though was when we passed the book to William for him to do the same - he couldn't. Despite having sat in the room and listened to the stories every night when we read them to Jonathan, and despite the fact that William DOES look at the pictures, he couldn't do that "syncing".

I've been helping BCC to put in a funding application for funds for the Hope Foundation. Having fed almost 4000 people in the borough of Bromley, and with at least 31 statutory and non-statutory agencies now referring people in need to Hope, we need more funds! Everything to date has been provided through the giving of the congregation.

Josh has started helping at Baseline, going an hour early on a Friday to help set it up, which is awesome. Samuel of course helps out with the multi-media in the ROCK Sunday School once a month. It is so cool to see the boys deciding of their own accord to serve.

Roarke has had some merchandising work to do which has been timely, and he is also making great progress on an extension of our Where2Eat in Kent business. His preparation for the Triathlon is slowly building - gradually because of his gout and other issues - but he has now gone from a size 42 waist since Christmas to a size 36!

Tuesday evening I went to a friend's house for a "girls night", with 11 other women, and enjoy good food and a good natter - lovely!

The major downside this week has been having the builders in. The landlord's solution to the damp problem (penetrating damp across the whole of the front and side of the house, and mould all inside the bays) was to pay to have extractor fans fitted. Despite having a heat recovery unit, the already-cold temperature in the living room and bedroom has plummeted with these things on. They are also unsightly and very loud. I'm not a happy bunny. Still it is no surprise that this was his preferred option - the alternative being the have the house coated/rendered and replace the two bay windows with modern pvc glazing...

Today I got a (very) early birthday present from my Mum - La Varenne's Cookery: The French Cook, the French Pastry Chef, the French Confectioner! I like this version as not only is it a modern translation but it has added in all the history and context of Francois Pierre's food. I hope to learn a lot!

I'm currently finishing a report for my local authority. I was contacted by them recently and the gentleman said that he understood I had withdrawn my cooperation with the LA as protest over the Badman Report and Clause 26. He asked if instead I'd consider sending in a report. I decided in the end that I would, because I want to make another point - *my* idea of a report summarising the past year and talking about the year ahead does not match with anything that I have seen suggested or outlined by anyone at DCSF.

Once I've sent it in, I'll post it here and you can judge for yourself :-)

Weary Weekend

On Saturday Roarke took the youngest three boys over to a friend's for a birthday party, whilst I stayed home with Josh.

When they left, Guitar Hero had been on so I thought I'd have just a quick go before switching it off.... 50 minutes later I noticed the time! Eek!

Once I'd got my sensible head back on I made dauphinoise potatoes, a mushroom duxelle and some onion gravy ready for the family meal over at my Mum's on Sunday.

Sunday morning I went to early church (9.30am) then got the bus direct to Mum's to prepare a starter, then prepare and cook the pork tenderloin. Roarke came over at 1.30pm after having taken everyone else to the second service at church, and my brother arrived with his family - and pudding! We shared a family meal together in memory of Dad, and thinking of what would have been Dad & Mum's 45th wedding anniversary.

This morning I will be speaking with Coeliac UK to see if Dad's "story" can be useful to them in any way in their campaigning.

Yesterday was a typical Monday here, with a bits-and-bobs kind of day - a mixture of business and family things. We've set up a home server now so that we can store shared files and back up to it which means I should be able to hold of some of the educational stuff I've got stored around various computers!

Josh has been working on finishing the stuff for his Bronze Arts Award, and I'm glad that he has self-motivated to get on with it himself.

Over the weekend I went to change the sheet on Jonathan's cot bed, only to discover (when I pulled the bed out to reach some teddies that had fallen down) that there was black mould all down the wall and it had gone into his mattress, his teddies, and the headboard. I was shocked to say the least. This has meant (other than a frantic phone call to the landlord) in having to move his bed away from the way and it is now sticking out into the middle of the room and touching foot-to-foot with our bed.

I had an awful night last night with Jonathan. He woke up at 2.50am and had a cuddle, then wanted to come into bed with us. I was very tired and as I don't sleep well once he is with us, I decided to encourage him to settle back in his own bed.

I had not allowed for how stubborn he is.

1hr 45 minutes later I thought he had finally gone to sleep so I took of my dressing gown (sub-zero temperatures are not recommended for sitting up for nearly 2hrs in the middle of the night!) and went to get back in to bed. A little voice piped up from the other side of the room "what are you doing Mummy?!". I replied "getting into bed because I'm cold!" and Jonathan said "me too, I want to come into your bed too!"

I was so tired and cold I gave in - and wasted all that time having sat up!

I slept lightly for the rest of the night and ended up getting up at 7.15am just to get some headspace - hence having actually blogged!

Baking Bug

I seem to have caught another bug - a baking bug!

For some reason I'm finding myself wanting - even needing - to bake every day.

Partly this is down to following the inspirational gluten free journey of Shauna and Danny. Whilst I may scour the internet for ideas and recipes for the family, I had gotten out of the habit of creating my own. Reading her blog, and getting ideas from Danny, sent me back to my own recipes that I used to cook before gluten became an issue.

I've been tweaking, experimenting, and generally enjoying myself!

This week I've made (all gluten free) chocolate biscuits, "rocky road", sun dried tomato & rosemary bread, lemon drizzle cake, tea cakes, banana bread and flapjacks!

Most of those recipes are in our online family cookbook but some need a bit more work before I'm ready to share.

Talking of food, Jonathan is eating better now which is great. In fact, he doesn't seem to stop eating with "Mummy, I'm still hungry" being a regular refrain around the house (makes a change from the teenager saying it...)

Talking of the teenager, Josh has the script for the first project SAVVY are working on this term, which is A Midsummer Night's Dream, where he is playing Theseus, Duke of Athens. I'm wondering if this will give us the chance to look at some Shakespeare (she says, in a guilty, meant to be autonomous-and-not-push-them kind of way).

And talking of autonomous, this is typical: William, my seven and a half year old lad with ASD, cannot yet read or write. Partly this is down to his refusal to learn and partly down to the aforementioned autonomous home education approach. Yesterday evening however he came downstairs to ask if he could set up a Runescape account. Leaving aside any other considerations as to whether or not I think that is going to happen, I reminded him that we had made clear to him that we would not subscribe him to, or open any new accounts on any new online games until such time as he could read. Whilst it never ceases to amaze me how he can wander around the internet playing games without being able to read (obviously he recognises the important - to him - stuff like which button he clicks to start, open, run, close etc!), taking part in things even as basic as Club Penguin means constant requests to read something to him, tell him what he should be doing or what he has just done wrong.

I also worry about his laptop as he can't read any warning messages that pop up...

So, anyway, we reminded him and immediately he said "ok, I'll learn to read then!".

Being ASD, actually what he meant was "I'll learn to read now" and I had to explain that it wasn't quite as simple as that, and he couldn't just learn in a few minutes. I could tell that he didn't believe me!

The upshot of that conversation was that I set him up on Starfall and then on the SuperWhy website. After about half an hour he came over to us to ask for a pencil and some paper, and proceeded to show us that he had learnt the upper and lower case for J, T, A, B, Z, Z and O!

Why those letters, I have no idea. But what was interesting was seeing further evidence that suggests to us that he may be dyslexic and/or have some other visual processing disorder.

On the subject of that, we are toying with the idea of taking him to see Ian Jordan, as the option offered by Bromley Local Authority of an assessment of SEN is not what we want and will lead to a level of interference and intrusion that will in no way be equalled by a benefit.

Despite my baking, Roarke is still changing shape and losing weight, and in consultation with his GP working on progressing his training for the London Triatholon which is he going to do in order to raise funds for the Hope Foundation. Mind you, he hasn't had the Rocky Road yet...

On a sad note, this week I finally got around to finishing another page on the family website, for the new "health" section. The page is about Coeliac Disease. It was very hard to write, but I feel glad to have done it. Dad's story needs telling. This weekend would have been Mum & Dad's 45th wedding anniversary..