Love Doesn't End With Dying

"Love doesn’t end with dying
Or leave with the last breath
For someone you’ve loved deeply
Love doesn’t end with death"

"…Bill always seemed to be someone who would go the extra mile. He is going to be enormously missed by so many people and I am proud to have known him…"

Four years ago today my beloved Dad died. The quote about him above was just one of many messages we received from friends in the weeks that followed, and it really sums him up.

From the very start I was a Daddy's Girl. Dad worked as a truck driver up until my mid-teens and was often away for days or weeks at a time on long trips. I always missed him terribly and was ecstatic to see him home. So much so that one year it was my downfall - literally! I remember hearing his air horn sound and hear the truck pulling into the lay by opposite our house. I ran out the back door to look over the fence, and promptly slipped over on some ice, fracturing my coccyx - I couldn't sit down without a rubber ring for months afterwards (not a Good Thing when you are 13, already being bullied, and now have to take a rubber ring into school to sit on....).

It was worth it :-)

Even now, four years on from his death, I find it hard to conjure up memories of Dad. Not because they aren't there, but because they hurt so very much. Yet at the same time I'm scared that if I don't think about them, they will fade.

I have lots of lovely childhood memories, of home, of family holidays, of cuddles with Dad. I remember him feeling I had got too old to come in bed for cuddles - Dad was a very "proper" man and always concerned about what was right - so he insisted that I stayed above the covers in future if I went in for a morning cuddle.

We clashed, like all families, during my teen years. Looking back now - as an adult and more imporantly as a PARENT - I can see why! I wasn't an outrageously rebellious child, and to be frank, most of my escapades were kept well away from my parents who didn't know the half of it ;-) But I tested Dad to the limit with some of my late nights, unsavoury boyfriends, playing heavy metal loudly, and all the other stuff you would expect from a teenage girl!

(so glad I've got boys...)

One shining memory is of Dad's face the day I got married. The grin on his face made the Cheshire Cat look like the Mona Lisa. The pride he felt in me was so obvious, so humbling, so warming, so loving.

When the minister asked "and who gives this woman away?" Dad stepped forward and said in a loud, cheerful voice "I DO!" and all the guests laughed at his enthusiasm.

But I know that when I moved out, he missed me terribly, despite his show of being glad to see the back of me.

I know he enjoyed helping us set up our first home. Over the years he helped with gardens, flat roofs, numerous broken down cars... nothing was ever too much trouble.

My joy was complete when I saw Dad holding his first grandson, Josh, for the first time, in hospital in 1993. His face was indescribable.

Oh this hurts so much to write..

I was so blessed to see how much joy his grandsons brought him over the years. He never lost his special awe over his first grandson, and was incredibly proud of how Josh was growing up (Josh was 10 when Dad died). As Samuel grew though, there was a special bond between them as they shared a love of trains. Dad used to take Samuel to train fairs and shows, and it was lovely to see them have something special, something private to share in (as he shared with Josh over a love of birds and nature).

When William was born however, whether it was because we named him after Dad, or some other reason, but there was a strong connection. William would stick to him like glue whenever they were together, and they played endlessly.

With hindsight, I think Dad would have found it unbearable to see how William's personality is affected at times by his ASD, and there is no way Dad could have coped with his violence.

Of course it pains me every single time I look at Jonathan that he never knew his Grandad. Jonathan is such an amazing child, with all the best bits of his brothers rolled into one cute package with his own bits mixed in. I know Dad would have been fascinated with him and, having retired, would have enjoyed spending lots of time with him.

[good grief - knock on the door at 7.30am by a timber merchant, who had got the wrong address. Good job I had put a jumper on over my pyjamas... but not good to open the door like that when you are in the middle of crying so hard... goodness knows what the guy thought...]

It is painfully ironic that the only reason we are back in this area, having lived in the Medway once we got married, is because of Dad dying (and us selling up to first live with Mum, and now renting). If he had lived we wouldn't be this close to him - something he would have enjoyed so much.

Dad never counted himself as significant in any way. I grew up knowing that he felt a failure for not having been "educated" and not having had a "proper job". He compared himself to those around us with fathers working in the City, "something in banking", to those who had at least two holidays abroad each year, and two cars on the drive. We struggled to have a holiday each year, we grew our own veg, and Mum made our clothes - by today's benchmark we were pretty close to the breadline at times.

Dad had been thrown out of home aged 14 and signed up - illegally - to the Royal Navy by his father who lied about Dad's age in order to get rid of him. Dad loved his years in the Navy, and said to me - in a rare confidence shortly before he died - that it was the first time in his life he'd felt loved. Just before Mum and Dad married he left the Navy to join the police force - another job that he enjoyed.

By the time I came along the shift pattern and hours of the police wasn't working out with a young family so he left for trucking. He stayed with that until just a few years before he retired, when he switched to being a parking meter attendant - a job that got him out and about (he could never have worked in an office).

Through the years he first ran a local British Sub Aqua Club branch, then volunteered for the Royal National Lifeboat Institution local branch, and then the Royal British Legion.

I was proud to be able to share this with him, as we both served as Standard Bearers, taking part in competitions and having the privilege of marching on hundreds of remembrance parades as well as taking part in the Lord Mayor's Show and the Royal Tournament. Dad also took part in the Cenetaph parade on a number of occasions.

Everytime I hear a bird sing, every time I look at a flower, every Remembrance Day, every time I see an image of the Royal Navy, every time a truck goes by, every time I go into my garden, every time the car needs fixing, I miss him.

Every time I see an elderly couple walking by, and know Mum is alone (they'd known each other since Mum was about 7), I miss him.

Every time I see a lady out with her Dad, I miss him.

Every time I see a grandad out with his grandchildren - in the streets or at a park - I miss him.

Every time I look at my children - I miss him.

Every tough moment I face, I wish I could still call him up for a hug.

Every happy experience, I wish he was there to share.

Every time I have something to be proud of, I think how much more proud he would have been.

Every time I bake something gluten free - I regret not having had the chance to show Dad that, despite being coeliac, he could still have had all his favourite cakes and pastries - because I would have put every effort into trying to make the most amazing foods for him so he didn't miss out.

Every year, from Mum and Dad's anniversary at the start of February, through to the anniversary of his funeral in the middle of May, I spend every day missing him and mourning him so much more.

I wanted to write something that somehow conveyed, and honoured, my Dad. I was inspired by this post by a friend which moved me with its expression of love and loss.

But I can't do him justice. Maybe it's my writing skills that have let me down.

Maybe it just hurts too much.

Dad - I miss you more than I can express - You will never, ever be forgotten.

Wedding Anniversary

This week we celebrated 16th years of a most marvellous marriage.

I dug out the wedding photos and posted a few on facebook, managing to seriously embarass several people who were there at the time and I've hooked up with on facebook!

Here are two of us from that beautiful day:

We look shockingly young!

To prove how much we have changed, here's a similar pose taken on our anniversary:

Even allowing for the poor quality photo, squashed noses, and the fact that Josh took the picture, I think we are looking a bit the worse for wear :0)

We had a nice day though. A friend from church took me shopping (as we didn't have a car at the time - see next item!), then I came back and packed some snacks to take to the Bromley home ed regular meeting. Roarke met us there half way through and we took the boys to McDonalds for a change. In the evening Mum came over to baby sit Jonathan and William and we got a lift to Bromley so that Josh and Samuel could go to Baseline. It was Samuel's first time and he was nervous and excited. The pastor and the youth leaders kept an eye out for him though and he had a great time.

Whilst they were there (3 hours) Roarke and I went for a tapas meal in Bromley, then onto a pub. We both felt very old watching the goings on in the pub! Actually some of it was shocking, to see that the stuff on the news about binge culture, and girls in particular, is totally real.

Neither Roarke nor I were saints in our teens (he became a Christian in his early twenties, and I calmed down around then too) and I certainly had my fair share of outrageous behaviour, but still this just felt different. Not nice.

Anyway, praise God that through being part of BCC, our lads have the opportunity to be involved in Baseline, and through home education too they are able to have a much more positive teen experience than I fear many of their schooled peers are able to.

I'm in the process of sorting out our new, revamped family website. The old one was very popular, especially the gluten free recipes, so its well overdue for me to get another one up (after loosing the free hosting we used to have for it). That's in my spare time ;0)

We spent the afternoon today in the garden clearing up and getting it ready for autumn. Now we've finally got the housing benefit sorted I think we both feel more that this is home - rather than expecting to be thrown out any minute - which is why we've both felt the need to attack the garden. I dug up the strawberry plants to clear out the bindweed coming under from next door, and took the opportunity to split up lots of new plants before replanting. I also got the chance to replant the crocosmia. Roarke took out two shrubs that were in the way, and we moved a tea rose too that had been covered by the shrubs and was looking very sorry for itself.

All the time a small rodent was runny around that appears to be a mouse that lives in the other neighbour's shed :0(

Roarke is already starting to go into hibernation mode; he's not a winter person and as soon as it starts getting dark of an evening, and cool, he starts to struggle.

Time to dig out all the soup recipes....

This week has been a rollercoaster week. The car broke down on Monday night and we went from thinking it was a small thing to fix it, to being told the car was a right off as it would cost more to fix than it was worth (and than we could afford) to the garage ringing us back saying it was a "miracle" but they'd found some tiny thing that was causing it all and had fixed it for £80! God definately had it all in Hand.

Next week our group is planning a Not Back to School Picnic along with more than 30 other groups across the country, as part of an effort to raise the positive profile of home education. The deadline for the written submissions to the Select Committee Inquiry is also approaching so I've got to get around to sorting my personal submission.

The phone has been very busy with new home ed enquiries, mainly from people who have not been able to get their child into the school that they want and so they are needing to home educate whilst going through the appeal process and/or waiting for a place to come up.

Houses and Friends

Well the big news for us is that we have seen a house, found a house, that we love (this is a picture of the garden) and that would be perfect for us. It definately FEELS like it is meant to be, so now we're just trusting in God to handle the paperwork for us... we need the Dr to write the letter saying that our two kids on the autistic spectrum should not share a room (which pushes us into the 4 bed bracket) and for the Council to agree to fund the house even though it is 1.8 miles outside the Borough.

The house could have been designed for us, it so specifically meets every need, and almost every desire, that we had for accomodation for us.

Its been hard to think/see beyond that actually, though I'm sure other stuff has been going on!

Our morning service at BCC on Sunday was awesome, and I came out of church buzzing - which is surely how church is MEANT to be!

William got hurt last night, they were playing and he fell back on the corner of one of their large plastic play/storage boxes. You wouldn't think that could do so much damage, but he ended up with a huge long gash on his back, nearly 4 inches long, which seemed to bleed a lot. Needless to say, he didn't seem hardly bothered at all - made more fuss of the pain/irritation of the micropore on his skin than the pain of the gash!

Today was a lovely lovely day. Some special friends who, though dearly loved, we only get to meet up with on average once every 18 months, came over today.

We met up via the internet when Serene and I were both pregnant with our third son, who both turned out to be called William! A firm friendship between families ensued.

I had fun yesterday baking and preparing (which is, you know, kind of MY THING and actually something I love doing) and today put on a good sized spread for us all - a kind of semi Mediterranean lunch.

With seven boys between us, amazingly the afternoon passed relatively quietly with all the boys playing nicely together. Serene and Richard's kids remain some of the nicest kids I've ever met and it is lovely to see these young lads growing up when I've known them for 7 years now.

As if the day couldn't be better, there was just enough leftovers to mean I didn't have to worry about cooking dinner!

Please consider signing this

As some of you may know, my Dad died 3 years ago suddenly due to cancer brought about purely by having been an undiagnosed Coeliac. Following his death we found out that my brother also had the disease without knowing it, and he is now managing his diet.

1 in 100 people in the UK has coeliac disease but only 1 in 8 of these individuals has been diagnosed. At the moment GPs do not have a target in their contract to diagnose coeliac disease. By including a target into the Quality and Outcomes Framework GPs would have to deliver better diagnosis rates of coeliac disease. This would reduce the numbers of people at risk of serious long term health problems due to being undiagnosed and help find the missing half million people who have coeliac disease but don't know it.

Please consider signing the petition below from Coeliac UK and help us to put pressure on the government. You can forward the link to family and friends to sign as well. Once you have added your name and email address you will be sent a confirmation email with a link. Simply click on the link to register your signature. Please note: depending on your email security settings, this might go into your Spam folder.

http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/coeliacdisease/

This is a subject so dear to my heart, as this ripped my family apart and we are less because of the loss of Dad. I'd like to do what I can to prevent that happening to others.

Thank you,

Ann

Ups and Downs

Saturday's little tea party for my nephew was nice. Samuel made a new friend in one of my brother's neighbours, and when they found out they both use Club Penguin he was even happier.

On Sunday I went out to take Roarke to work, before we went to church, only to discover that the car wouldn't start. To cut a long boring story short, the alternator on the Kia has gone. Fortunately we've been able to get hold of a second hand one via eBay and our mobile mechanic is hoping to fit it for us either tomorrow or Thursday. In the meantime we have either not gone out, walked, or relied on lifts - thanks to all those who have helped us out.

We are trying to work with Josh and Samuel to help Samuel enjoy some more freedom and experience as he approaches his teenage years. As part of that he went with Josh to the teen bowling on Monday. Apparently there were 17 teenagers there! This is definately a growing area for our group and we need to keep coming up with things that they want to take part in and that gives them chance to build on their friendships.

Josh today had a look at the LearnPremium site that EO members can get at a discount and enjoyed working through the Keystage 4 Drama section. William spent another hour on Education City. All in all it has been an unusually "educational" day for the children!

Today has been a really tough day. I had a phone call at 8 oclock this morning to tell me that an old friend - an ex-boyfriend - had died at the weekend. Actually the actual time of his death is not known at the moment. He was in very poor health, but his death is still a shock. The actual nature of his death is quite unsettling and the whole experience is really distressing me.

All day I've been kind of living in the past, revisiting memories etc. It has been most disconcerting.

Flame On!

Roarke had to send a Director a photo of him fire breathing, for consideration for a part.

Husband, father, home educator, business man, Trustee of Education Otherwise, Actor, professional speaker, course leader for dyslexic kids .... and fire breather!

Rollercoaster Week

Phew, what a week!

The BBC London piece turned out ok, which was a relief. Janey did fab in the evening.

Vanessa Feltz - that was scary. I was soooo nervous, hopping around the room, running up and down the stairs. But apparently my nerves didn't "show" on the radio ;0)

Then the downer of that Indpendent article... still growling over that.

On a personal note, well, you know about chaos theory? The old butterfly flapping its wings? Well I reckon that the effect of the Hadron Collider being turned on was chaos in our household.

On the day it was turned on, Roarke had an audition to get an agent. I nipped out to the shops hoping to get him an anniversary card (no luck). When I got back he was running around because he'd realised that he'd misread the trains times and was running late.

Because of that, I decided to drive him to the station (about 7 minutes by car). As I was just popping out I didn't bother to change into shoes (can you start to see where this is heading?). Also, as Jonathan has destroyed my mobile, I didn't have a phone - I never leave the house if Jonathan isn't with me without a phone.

Anyhow... just as we were nearly at the station - the car stopped. The accelerator (throttle) cable had snapped! Roarke just looked me and me at him... he had 4 minutes before his train left and I wasn't prepared for him to miss this chance at the audition, so I made him get out the car and run off.

I was now on a main road, in my slippers, no phone, and about 20 minutes walk away from home. All four kids at home with my Mum.

I knocked on some doors until I found someone in (I forgot to mention I was on a hill) further down the hill and asked if I could roll the car back down the hill and into their drive. The elderly man kindly said yes. I then set off home IN MY SLIPPERS. Slippers are not designed for long walks. Let alone running.

By the time I got in I was seriously stressed. I found the breakdown stuff and called the RAC.

Then I realised I had a new problem. I now had to get back to the car to meet the RAC. I couldn't find anyone to give me a lift. I couldn't walk back - partly because of time (they were quick, I have to give them credit for that) and partly because my knee was in agony (old knee problem currently flaring up).

So I had to drive the other car. The other car is also not working properly and can't be driven reliably. I stalled it 4 times on the short drive over!

The RAC couldn't fix the car in the end because of the damage done to some parts when the cable snapped. So he had to tow me home. But first he had to follow me home in the OTHER car, then drive me back to get the 7 seater!

Then Roarke rang to say that although he'd made his train, and the first part of the audition fine, they were now running late. That evening his class for dyslexic children was starting back at Bromley College and so this meant he might not get back (from Surbiton) in time.

Just as he was about the give up and come home, they called him in. Poor guy really didn't feel he gave a good audition as he was so stressed. Still, he did, and he got his train back. I couldn't find anyone to get to the college so the IT guy opened the room and put a sign on the door telling everyone that the tutor was on his way.

In the end he was only 15 minutes late.

He just got everyone settled then the computer system crashed and he had to send them all home! After all that!

The next day was our wedding anniversary. 15 years. And to think we were told it wouldn't last because it was such a whirlwind romance (9 months from strangers, to husband and wife).

No car. So that meant we couldn't go to the home ed picnic we'd planned. Instead mum kindly offered to stay with the boys, including baby, and we nipped over to Bromley (in the other car) to have lunch out.

That evening also we managed a meal out. A bit rushed, trying to get back before Jonathan needed to go to bed, but we managed a few hours together.

The next day was our HE meeting in Bromley. It was really busy! New families, some new to the group only but some new to HE as well. I had to drive the other car over (Josh stayed home as we only have three seatbelts in it) but the car stalled lots on the way over and Samuel and William got very scared, especially when it happened in the middle of a busy cross roads.

As it turned out, more teens than usual were there so someone kindly drove back to get Josh.

When it was time to leave, he got a lift back with someone else. Our car stalled three times, once it was almost 5 minutes before it would start again, and all of us were nervous wrecks by the time we got in!

Today we managed to replace the throttle cable though, so that is a relief, and the other car is booked for a mechanic next week.

Roarke has been playing Sim City with the boys in turn, creating a city with each of them. We seem to have a resurgence of Star Wars interest too, with pc games and all the films going on in a marathan.

I've set up a survey about EO's role with the media - take part if you like even if you aren't an EO member (as long as you are a home educator).

I've got work to catch up on now but I'm not in the mood...

Hot and Humid

I've had a migraine headache for two days, and today I'm feeling very groggy as it finally clears up.

It's not helped my mood! All in all its been a very tough week.

Roarke is still in a lot of pain, with his whole foot swollen now. It seems as if the swelling of the toe through the gout has somehow contributed to his muscles going out again, from the metatarsel injury that he had before. He definately won't be doing the Triathlon on Saturday, which is a huge disappointment.

On a more positive note, he may have more filming! A part in a tv series - just a one off extra part - but still... I'll let you know if he gets it!

I've been working hard on a lot of EO stuff this week, not easy with a migraine, and the weather hasn't helped because I really don't like it when it is humid. The storm last night was a relief in many ways.

Monday afternoon, as I mentioned in my post that day, we went to the park, meeting three other HE families from our group at Shorne Country Park. I really enjoyed it, finding the three women who were there very easy to talk to and get on with, and the intermitent light showers seemed to add to the fun; having no coats with us (shame on me!) we kept huddling under the plastic backed picnic rug every time it rained! The boys thought it was great fun.

On Tuesday I had a frantic baking session - breads rolls, double chocolate brownies, fairy cakes, and a fruit cake! Why? Well, in the morning Joshua and Samuel went to the cinema for the birthday of a lad in our group. Whilst they were out, William had round his new friend - an 88 year old lady that he befriended at a church barbeque recently! Bless him!

She was so delighted to have an invite out, only getting out three times a week (all church activities) and she is totally smitten with him. He just loves people, and someone willing to sit and listen to every word he says, and pay him 100% attention, is his idea of a perfect friend.

We sat in Mum's living room, which gave her a chance too of some adult company.

After we took the lady home, we collected the others from the cinema and all went back to the house for a small birthday party. In the rain. In a gazebo! Again, the boys seemed to find this added to the experience! Poor Roarke was very unwell, with the tablets making him so drowsy that, because he had to drive (we took both cars to help out with running kids back to the party from the cinema) he couldn't take them. This left him in a lot of pain poor thing and by the time we left he had really had enough.

Yesterday we had Grace and the boys over for a while in the afternoon. It was good to catch up with them. Both babies slept through the time they were here, and the older five had a chance to play outside therefore (banned from the house in case they woke the babies!).

Today was a quiet day. The boys have played well mainly upstairs, I've been doing my EO stuff, Roarke has been resting up and getting on with stuff on his laptop, and Jonathan has pottered around being cute.

Roarke has been working on a website to use for his acting stuff, somewhere to direct agencies too. What do you think of this?!

Weekend

On Friday we had our hall meeting. It was blisteringly hot, and after all while the kids started to wander inside the hall instead of playing outside, and a lot of the mums followed too!

It was a nice afternoon though, and good to catch up with people. I especially relish having somewhere "safe" to go through the summer holidays; somewhere that is ours and not full of school kids..

I can't remember what we did on Saturday! I know that on Sunday we went to a barbecue after church, but I had to come away after a while because both Jonathan and I were finding that excessive heat too much.

Yesterday Roarke went up to London to meet a director from the London Film Academy, about another possible role. It was for a non speaking part, but today they rang him up and said they were impressed enough to offer him a speaking role! Only three lines, and his character gets shot (!) and its another short film, but its still good credits to get under his belt.

I can't resist posting this shot from his portfolio, cos I think its great! Very moody!

I'm really proud of him (as you might have guessed!).

Jonathan has his ninth tooth and is cutting his tenth - he always seems to do two at a time. He's proving a very sharp little cookie. Today he wanted to get someone to open the kitchen child gate, so that he could go out through the kitchen to the garden. He made a huge fuss but none of us had the time to take him out.

After a while he went into our front room, and we heard squealing - which he usually does when he can't do something or isn't getting his way. I looked up from where I was baking in the kitchen to see one of our dining room chairs coming out of the front room, being pushed by Jonathan! He was trying to push it over to the gate, and I'm assuming he was thinking he was trying to use it to get over the gate!

He's a pickle!

Tescos Are Chickens

It's rare for me to be political on this blog - unless its about home education, education, children, schools or families of course ;0) but I can't help it - this has got me SOOOOO mad.

I signed up to Hugh FW's campaign to get all battery farmed chickens and chicken products off the supermarket shelves.

I know that Tescos are now the only supermarket who have refused to meet with him to discuss this.

This is from the email I got this morning:

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"A few weeks ago I submitted a resolution to Tesco plc with the support of 102 shareholders representing some 3.7 million ordinary shares. The resolution challenges Tesco’s claims about poultry welfare, and urges them to set new minimum welfare standards, including lower stocking densities and more environmental stimuli for the birds.

Now Tesco have told me that they will only take our resolution to the AGM if I meet the cost of distributing the relevant papers to their shareholders. They are entitled to waive this fee, and we have requested that they do so, in the interest of shareholder democracy, but they have declined. In other words, the resolution is dead in the water unless I pay them £86,888 to print and post the papers out to all 269,000 Tesco shareholders.

Tesco is the biggest retailer in the country and they can make the biggest difference to the lives of hundreds of millions of chickens. And so I’m determined, along with my fellow supporting shareholders and Chicken Out campaigners, to pursue this resolution. So I’m putting my money where my mouth is to take this issue all the way to the Tesco AGM on June 27th.

I’m going to start the ball rolling by putting £30k of my own money into the pot. And, with your help, I’m hoping to raise the rest of the money by selling myself, and my services, as well as by appealing to other Tesco shareholders and supporters of our resolution.

We need to raise the remaining £56,888 by noon, this Wednesday 11th June.

And that’s where you come in. The River Cottage team and I have put together a bespoke selection of top notch prizes which will be auctioned over the next couple of days. The auction will take place by confidential sealed bids on line. Whoever bids the highest amount for each item by noon on Wednesday 11 June 2008 will win the prize in question. To enter please send your bid in a simple email to chicken@keofilms.com stating which prize you’re bidding for, the maximum sum you’re prepared to pay, your name, and a contact telephone number. All entrants must be over 18 years of age.

If you would like to make a simple donation to the fund, as well as or instead of bidding in the auction, you can do so through the Compassion in World Farming Website. CIWF have supported our campaign and resolution from the start, and have agreed to process donations without any administrative charge.

In other words, the full amount for all successful bids and donations will be passed on to the action fund. We undertake that all expenses for processing bids and donations, administering the fund and fulfilling the auction prizes will be met either by River Cottage, or Compassion in World Farming, or by Hugh personally.

Thanks for your support and good luck!

www.chickenout.tv
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Now I know that most of us can't afford to bid on the prizes (such a shame - I'd love a meal at River Cottage, or him coming here to cook for me! - but maybe some can donate something via CWF or, just as vital, pass this email on to others you know who would be interested, and blog about it.

I'm going to write to Tescos and take back my tesco card. Painful, because lots of the gluten free stuff I have to buy I can only get from them - or twice the price from a health food shop. But I can't support a retailer who acts like this.

Off my soap box now!

Happy 1st Birthday - Twice!

On Friday my little baby was ONE! Can you believe it? It doesn't seem a year...

In the morning Roarke took Joshua kayaking, whilst I dashed around baking.

I picked first Liz and the kids, then Sheila & Callum, up from the station. They had both come early to help, and Sheila kindly brought some cakes too.

They were needed!

My "open house" invitation led to no less than 38 home ed kids and adults turning up!

The sports equipment from Sainsburys & Tescos got well used, as did the bouncy castle donated by a fellow home educator (thanks Dawn!) and our new trampoline.

The weather held - it started to rain at 3pm just as the kids at the school over the road were about to come out!

The birthday boy wandered around the garden with Nanny, taking in all in his stride!

In the evening, Joshua then set off on an adventure. The Independent on Sunday had called asking me to find a 12 year old HE kid to go that day to be interviewed for a feature on growing up in the UK, to be published this Sunday! Roarke took him off therefore to the offices of the Independent. They got there at 6, and didn't leave till 8.45!

The item was published today - in the paper version Joshua's picture is on the bottom of the front page of the newspaper, together with him being in the group photo in the inside feature on pages 8/9. The online version is here.

As we were tired out, Mum treated us to a chinese so that neither of us had to cook.

Saturday I got up ready for the second first birthday party (!). My brother and sister in law were coming over in the afternoon with their son. As my brother is a coeliac that meant cooking and baking everything gluten free.

As usual I over catered - forgetting that Roarke wasn't there because he was in Bristol chairing the EO Council Meeting!

We had a green salad, baked courgette risotto, ham cooked in coca cola, a plate of salami and smoked sausage, Tesco's gluten free sausages, the inevitable cheese and pineapple, fresh baked finger rolls, chicken pieces marinated in lemon, fresh thyme and rosemary from the garden, garlic and olive oil, plus various dips and crudites. For the sweet stuff, as well as a fruit salad, we had chocolate fairy cakes, vienesse chocolate biscuits, and for Jonathan and I to eat (dairy, wheat, egg and soya free) we had newborn biscuits, and birthday cake!

We had been due to go away for three days to Sheffield but our car is in serious need of some work and to risk that drive would have been foolish. So inside we decided to "holiday at home".

This morning therefore, we went to church first, as they had a guest speaker, for the kids. After that the boys predictably chose McDonalds for a rare treat of a meal there. I took a pot of the left over cola ham, and Jonathan and I ate that and shared some chips!

In the afternoon we spent the money we'd saved on diesel on wooden laminate floor for the front room (we share the house with mum and have one of the "reception" rooms as dining room, lounge, office and classroom all in one!) and some paint for the wall.

We had a lovely family dinner; we put the extension into the table (Ikea, courtesy of Freecycle), and had what Samuel calls a feast - all the left overs spread out on the table so we could help ourselves.

Jonathan enjoyed helping himself to pineapple, carrot sticks, cucumber, pepper slices, and more ham. Oh and humous of course!

Roarke's now gone off to the hospital to visit a friend. Poor guy is a carpenter and was working on repairing a roof when he fell 40 ft onto a concrete floor - with only a wall to break his fall. God really stepped in there, because he should really be dead. Actually he has a broken pelvis, lower spine and arm, but although they say he may never play football, or maybe be able to run again, he is otherwise fine, Do remember my friend in your prayers if you can, as he is missing his family especially his four week old first baby daughter :0(

The boys are being dipped - I mean bathed - as I speak!

Glad that is over!

Thank goodness that is over!

The procedure went ok. I managed to feed Jonathan just before I went into prep. Sadly, the sedative didn't work - I've no idea why - and I was fully awake, fully aware, and fully in pain the whole way through!

They topped it up 3 times but it didn't make any difference as far as I could tell.

The gastroscopy was truly awful, but the colonoscopy wasn't quite as bad as I'd feared.

I was out of recovery really quickly and was as glad to see Jonathan as he was to see me!

I felt very drained afterwards; hangover from the stress, plus the lack of food and water. I noticed that my milk was down very noticably in the afternoon/evening so I'm trying to rest up now a bit and build up my supplies again.

The feedback after the procedure was that everything was "clear" and that they had taken about 8 biopsies, the results of which I'll get at an outpatients appointment.

The nurses were very considerate, having been told about Dad, and even made sure I didn't go in the same bed in the recovery ward that Dad had been in when he had it done.

The Dr who had treated Dad recognised me (my face that is, before I went in, lol) and spoke with me, which helped.

Thanks everyone for their thoughts and prayers

Counting Down...

I survived yesterday's er, laxative session.... (*shudder*). Needless to say between that, lack of sleep with Jonathan, and lack of food, I am feeling crap this morning (no pun intended....).

Now I'm sitting here counting down: My procedure is at 2pm, won't be "recovered" maybe till around 5pm, though they have said they have to get me out of recovery asap as baby can't go into the recovery room to be fed - I'll have to be able to go out to him. Hoping he'll yell to give me the excuse to get out quick!

(for those new readers here, I'm seriously phobic about hospitals, plus this procedure and hospital is the same one where my Dad was 2 years ago - then he died 6 weeks later. Not good memories)

Also, Joshua leaves at 4pm (when I won't be here *sob*) to go on his youth weekend - first time away from home other than to stay with relatives.

Speaking as a self-confessed control freak, I have to say that I'm NOT having a good day!

How Long?!!

I can't believe how long it is since I last posted! I knew it was a while, but... I haven't written anything since Samuel's birthday!

Well, there is no way I can remember everything, but there are a few things that are worth catching up on.

Jonathan's appointment went ok. We didn't get any answers, but they are going to do blood tests, and will do a milk challenge before he is 1, if I ask for it (in other words, if he doesn't go onto formula, and I decide I want to stop breastfeeding).

The paed reckoned I could stop with the diet, other than the dairy, soya and egg and I did, for a few days, relax things. Jonathan didn't react hugely, though he DID get worse again with colic, but I really did! My insides are definately not normal and obviously have enjoyed the lean diet.

Talking of which, my appointment for my "procedure" (think cameras both ends...) is this week and I am seriously stressing about it..

I got involved with the Baby Led Weaning forum, which has been really good, and amongst the various gems I came across, was this blog from where I got this recipe, which Jonathan LOVES! Me and him can both eat these muffins and we've eaten loads! Quite a recommendation considering I don't like things that are banana flavoured.

I've been doing much more baking, trying to vary the boy's lunches. As well as their usual bread, they've had home made gf pizzas, pasties (which I was very pleased with), savoury choux buns (ham and cheese), and scones.

I made some vegan biscuits for me and Jonathan that were almost like shortbread, but sadly fell short. Any egg, soya and dairy free recipes for cakes or biscuits PLEASE give them to me!

Jonathan definately prefers being more in control of his own food - I guess that is understandable for an on-demand, breast fed baby. He has gluten free toast with either sunflower spread, and/or marmite, or humous on it in the morning. Lunch varies - it might be a home made chicken "nugget", something like one of those muffins, or soaked raisins, roasted vegetables etc. He doesn't exactly have dinner, but might have a rice cake, or if he feeds late, then he'll have some fresh sliced pear (which he really loves). In true baby led weaning style he doesn't have mush, or even little slices, but I peel the pear and give it to him and he gnaws away at it until he's had enough!

Cute little teeth marks - it reminds me of when I had a gerbil....

Joshua had teen bowling today, and has also been spending time at the weekends with his mate from church, now having progressed to being confident enough to walk the 20 mins or so walk to his mate's house, through the recreation ground.

This weekend, he goes away for the FIRST TIME EVER! Other than to his Nan's, he's never been overnight anywhere without us. But he's off to Halls Green with the young people from church (12s and overs) for two nights and three days. Lots of abseiling, low ropes, swimming, cleaning rotas, wide games and general staying up late.

He is absolutely cool about it, very casual, can't BELIEVE how this lad has grown and has finally shed the insecurities learned from school and has blossomed into SUCH a decent, fun loving teenager. Makes me all weepy and silly just thinking about it.

Needless to say I am NOT CASUAL about it, and am having many sweaty, clammy worrying thoughts about it.

Tomorrow we are off to the Old Operating Theatre for a trip, which should be good.

Having taken the decision, reluctantly, that we are going to have to stay here at Mum's for a while longer, whilst we save up to replace our "deposit" money (used when Roarke was made redundant), we have been planning the necessary changes to be able to make better use of the accomodation we have. The 3 older boys are going to share the largest bedroom, with two in bunks, and as the place for all their toys. Then, the small room (currently Joshua's bedroom) will become their own private sititing room, with the pc that they can play dvds on, and hopefully in the end we can also get them a freeview box and television (from freecycle I hope), and the place they can do their studies.

Josh doesn't like the idea of losing his own space, but he appreciates that having a sitting room especially when mates are over, will be better than squashing into his bedroom at the moment.

We're also building Roarke an office in the outbuildings, so that he can cancel the office and put the money for rent into the savings account instead.

I found out today that our LA (Bromley) has finally replaced their HE "inspector/visitor" person and so I booked in for them to visit us - planning to kill two birds with one stone by sussing them out and finding just how closely they are going to be following the Government's Guidelines...

This week Samuel has his "play assessment", then I have a two hour diagnostic interview, all leading to a final diagnosis meeting in a few weeks time. I've also got to take Jonathan for his blood tests.

A quiet week then!

So how are you all? Must catch up on YOUR blogs too!

Another Weekly Roundup

There is a very good reason for only blogging once a week at the moment... Jonathan!

He is definately taking up a lot of time!

Last Sunday he started crawling forwards properly, and is now up to great speeds. If I come onto the computer, after a few moments I feel a little hand clutching at my ankle; it has done no good trying to barracade myself into the corner, as he is very good at crawling under the table and the chairs - managing NOT to bang his head at all which is amazing. I think the big blue glowing on/off switch on the pc is just TOO enticing for him.

As of yesterday afternoon, he can also pull himself upright using furniture or a large enough toy, and stand up. As of today, he thinks he can stand without holding on (he can't!). All at the grand age of 7 months and one week.

I bought some new recipe books last week. I'm probably the last person to get the AiA Gluten and Dairy Free Cookbook, but I finally decided to go for it. I must say, I'm extremely impressed with the range and type of recipes. I also bought the Child-friendly Food Allergy Cookbook, working on the theory that I need things that the kids will eat. However, whilst it is good, and I can use it, it is more the sort of book that I would use as inspiration rather than directly to take a recipe.

Having said that, I tried their chocolate crispie cake recipe. I thought as I did it that it seemed an AWFUL lot of golden syrup and sugar, and sure enough it is very sweet - so sweet that I think I'll donate it to the boys, in very small chunks!

Talking of recipe books, I'm looking to buy some slow cooker ones. I've got two out of the library which are possibles -Slow Cooker: Over 70 of the Best Recipes (Pyramid Paperbacks) and The Slow Cooker Cookbook. Both appear to be quite good and have given me lots of new ideas.

Still trying to work out why Jonathan is reacting to my food, I've been wondering if there is a way that he is reacting to a chemical I am producing, because I am reacting to something (rather than him, if you see what I mean). Ironically, in looking up something else today I came across this article. It talks about studies undertaken in South Africa, of a food sensitivity that can occur in breast feeding babies where they take in high levels of histamine from their mothers. The theory is that sometimes when the body floods with histamine it causes an allergic reaction but not everyone is aware that they are having one. But a baby's body, which is so much more sensitive, may react quite strongly to breast milk which contains histamine and this can often manifest itself in severe colic, congested nose, a rash or diarrhoea. Looking at the list of foods that either naturally produce histamine, or that cause histamine to be released in the body, I notice tomato and yeast extract - two of the thinigs that I'm convinced he's reacting to even though the nutritionist etc say he can't be.

Maybe my "mothers instinct" is right, after all.. I've emailed the site to try and find the full reference to the studies, so I can discuss it with the nutritionist and the paediatrician.

In the meantime, I'm going to watch my diet (hence another reason to avoid the chocolate crispie cake, as chocolate is on the list!). And I also took him to the osteopath again, who said she felt that his gut was twisted, so we're going to look at trying a few regular sessions.

William's reading is progressing, and I'm startin to notice him noticing words now, out of context of his reading with his Nan, which is encouraging as I know he is just memorising things really, rather than understanding the reading process.

Samuel is still stuck on long division, so is focusing more on his maths times table book, as well as finally getting around to blogging again.

Joshua has been playing Patrician III again, blogging, writing book reviews, and doing some more maths revision.

On Sunday Roarke went away on a short term contract, as a Trainer (one of the other things he does), and he won't be back until late Thursday night. Somewhat afeared on how I was going to cope, we spoke to our Community group at church, and asked if there was anything that any of them could do to help out, such as giving an hour or so of time, or helping out with a meal - just something to take one of the things of my mental "list" of things I have to do. Meals are a particular chore at the moment of course, trying to work out gluten free, dairy free, soya free, egg free and tomato free meals. These friends have really been supportive and I'm so very grateful for that.

A couple turned up yesterday with not just a dinner for us, but a pudding too for us to use today, which was definately above and beyond the call of duty, so today after a hectic day with my nephew here as well, I didn't have to face the "what can we have" issue.

I'm slowly putting together a meal plan, that I can start to implement, to take away the strain of mealtimes, but that really can't start properly till we can get hold of another freezer.

I've managed some baking. Asides from the over-sweet crispie cake, over the past 48 hours I've made gluten/dairy/soya/egg free chocolate cup cakes (courtsey of some egg replacer and other bits I got online), gluten free browines for the boys, and gluten free cheese scones for them too. Oh and some gf bread. I also made up a batch of "special fried rice" to freeze down in portions for me, for quick lunches (as I'm eating my "dinner" for either "breakfast" or "lunch" in an attempt to stop the screaming fits in the early hours of the morning. Its working - since doing that he now screams non-stop between about 9pm and 12am instead!).

With Roarke away, I really need to get on with some work for his business, but I'm not sure how that is going to work out. I don't want to rely on Mum to have Jonathan all the time, so that I can get on with stuff, but I don't really have many other people who are able to help out at the moment.

Last night I went up for an early night, as Roarke was away - 9.30pm (how sad!). However, 10 minutes after laying down Jonathan woke for a major screaming session. Settled him off finally at 10pm only to have him woken by the phone (which turned out to be Joshua's friend, who "pressed the button by accident" on his mobile phone...). By the time I got him off again, and got back to sleep, it was slightly later than my "usual" bedtime!

I've had lots of HE enquiries this week again - both new home educators and old. I met some via Freecycle, after offering some educational resources on there, which was ironic, but great!

Joshua has been out twice now with his mate. I'm glad he's got the chance to have a "best friend" but I'm struggling to get my head around being a mum of a teen! As he doesn't have to get a bus to and from school on his own, he/we haven't had to deal much with the issue of independence. So this is a shock! We had to sit down and have a chat about knives and guns - sadly there are so many deaths these days in London that I thought it necessary. It was hard not to scare him, but in the end we sorted it and came to an understanding.

I still worried myself sick every moment he was out!

Happy New Year

Hi, and welcome to 2008 in our house!

How was Christmas/the festive season for you?

We've discovered that William is gluten sensitive (for his behaviour) and Samuel has also gone into almost permanent meltdown, between the increase of gluten, the excitement, and the chocolate...

Christmas day ended ok, with a meal that (for once) timed out perfectly, with everything cooked to perfection (she says modestly) and gravy that The Campaign For Real Gravy would be proud of.

We all enjoyed the Doctor Who Christmas Special, by the way.

The presents seem to have gone down well. Definately not as many as last year but all things that they had either asked for, or we knew they'd enjoy.

Boxing Day was a quiet family day, which was very nice, with a nice cheshire crumble for dinner, using up some turkey.

The following day we had visitors in the evening for a "grown up" dinner. I took a risk with cooking a new starter and main course, which fortunately turned out brilliantly! Our guests brought a lemon meringue pie for desert and, sadly, this led to the concrete discovery that Jonathan is definately also sensitive to egg - as I had a horrendous night with him and he was in a lot of pain and discomfort :0(

During the day we did a bit of shopping, including a quick dash to sainsburys in the morning.

Friday, we had visitors from church (a family with three boys all under 4 including a baby a few weeks younger than Jonathan) for lunch, and then we went to David & Grace's in the evening. A very sociable day, but by the end I was quite stressed as the hyper state of Samuel and William was really getting to me.

Will seems to be getting "worse" in front of our eyes; I think it is mainly down to the season, the gluten and the chocolate (they got given some as gifts unfortunately, plus what we had chosen to give them, such as their daily choccie from the tree). However, he is definately further up the autistic scale than Samuel.

The boys chose to spend some of the money they got at Christmas, and at Matalan found a HUGE megablocks dragon set, reduced from £80 all the way down to £19.99! They were extremely pleased, and all three put in to it together. Joshua and Samuel then chose to buy some clothes - with their own money!

How old do I feel?! Joshua went off on his own in the shop, to the boys section, chose the clothes, tried them on, made his choice, then came to find us. A huge step; not only is he a boy (and not as into shopping as maybe a girl of his age) but this is a child who up until even a year ago was very "young" in some ways for his age, and not self aware at all. Now he has a sense of self, self image, his place in the world, and is reaching out and creating who he wants to be. Awesome stuff. Moving, exciting, scary, and challenging to watch.

On Sunday my long time friend Stan came for the afternoon, and that was a brilliant end to the year for me. He spent a lot of time with each of the boys too, including talking to them about wargaming, which I hope they might get into (certainly Joshua who I think would find it very stimulating and educational). He helped Joshua with some serious ideas for the board game he is creating, which is his project for the start of the year - he is going to get it to the point of being able to sell it, hopefully.

As long term readers know, I hate new year, and this year was no exception. However, we had been invited out (for once!) and went around to a pleasant, relaxing drink and nibbles to a lady from church, then onto a more formal old style "do" at another place. Unfortunately not my thing *at all*, but I stayed for about an hour (the host had kindly made me my very own casserole to ensure my portion was dairy/soya/egg free!) then took the boys home (at around 9.45). Roarke just managed to get home before midnight (or the door would have been locked!) so that helped.

The boys all agreed that, as from today, they are starting to introduce a bit of routine to the start of the day. Just to set them up, they will do their chores after breakfast, then a minimum of 15 minutes of *formal* learning, before heading off to do their own thing.

Autonomy really is the only route for my lads, especially with the aspergers, as I don't see how curriculum can work, nor how you MAKE an aspie do anything! However, likewise, having no routine as a family has obviously become an unstabling influence on the boys. As it isn't our house, I don't feel I have the same control/influence over the household, and so the natural rhythm of any housework etc doesn't even fit. The conscious choice to do stuff first thing, regularly, hopefully will help us all.

Certainly today Samuel did 20 minutes of times table work (he chose maths as his "has to" subject as that is what he has to have for his business empire to be a success), Joshua worked on his project (the board game) and William revised the reading books, with his Nan.

Can't remember if I wrote this before, but Jonathan is now crawling, as well as sitting up well on his own, and has also now started to take both finger food and purees, though still only tiny amounts. He has, though, refused to drink the amino acid baby formula (and having tasted it, I don't blame him) so it looks like breastfeedign will be continuing still (despite him starting to bite!).

Merry Christmas!

Happy Christmas!


The build up was quite hectic. A few highlights, between rushing around panicking that I hadn't got the boys enough/the right things.


Saturday and Sunday evenings our church had a candle lit carol service. Not a particularly traditional one, but the singing was led (and some performances done) by the singing group that Roarke recently joined.


To go off on a tangent, and indulge myself (after all, if I can't do it on my blog, where can I?!), it was so good to hear him sing again. He was professionally trained, and quite serious about his singing in his late teens/early twenties, and when he sings he is such a different person. I love his voice - it is his voice that I fell in love with before I ever met him, having heard him on local radio - and it was definately a Christmas highlight for me.


There is no "celebration" without him, and I'm so very blessed and proud to know him.


Anyway, where was I?


Christmas!


We had ordered BT Vision for the boys, as another Christmas present, so when that arrived on Saturday, the boys discovered two doctor who series in the "library" so no prizes for guessing what THEY have been watching!


Roarke and I have realised that being able to "record" freeview tv means never having to miss another CSI just because we were too tired to stay up and watch the next episode!


We had a nice meal Christmas Eve (coca cola ham and home made potato wedges) then finally (yes I know it was last minute!) got to wrap the boys presents.


When the boys saw Santa at Lapland UK Samuel had asked him if he liked Star Wars, and which film was his favourite. Santa said he preferred the originals, but liked them all. So, last night the boys got all the star wars dvds out and left them out for Santa to watch, together with a mince pie, carrot for Rudolph, and a glass of port (cos Roarke asked Santa what he'd prefer...)


This morning they came down to find the dvds out (Santa must have been in too much of a hurray to put them all away properly...) and the plate/glass empty!


They seemed pleased with their presents. Roarke's mother had phoned out of the blue yesterday and spoke to the boys, and said afterwards to him that didn't seem to be expecting the earth for Christmas.


I thimk that is a mixture of how we approach Christmas - focusing on the real meaning for us as Christians - and also because of home ed. They don't have the peer pressure of having the latest fashions, gadgets, etc. Most HE families are restricted in budgets and don't go over the top at Christmas. Also our kids still get to play, know their own minds, know what they want, and so tend to ask perhaps for more suitable things for Christmas.


Whatever way you look at it, they seemed happy with what they got. Joshua had 10 or more books (look out for more reviews on his book blog!) and dvds amongst other things. Samuel had the spyware he asked for, business items (a real briefcase and desk bits!), and a business board game. They also had the Kent version of Monopoly - figured it would mean more to Samuel to be trying to own things he knew - especially as that includes Ashford International and Eurotunnel! William had nearly all doctor who stuff. He got things the boys didn't have on their list, but which they have immediately decided they want to play with, which is what we suspected. By having given them to William, (in theory) they will have to allow him to set the games/chose if/how they play with them, which *might* allow him to not be overidden in their games!


Having 1 adult and 2 child aspies in the house, Christmas was always going to be tricky (and with my Mum hosting Christmas dinner for my brother/sil/nephew in her room, whereas we are eating ours tonight in our room), but so far it is going well with no meltdowns!


Here are a few pictures:

Highs and Lows

Friday was an unsatisfactory day. We set out to do our food shopping, and intended to go to Bookers then Tescos. A friend agreed to have the three older boys, which made things easier. However, we didn't seem to be able to get anything we wanted, and so STILL ended up going to Sainsburys (our usual!) later on in the day.

On Monday Roarke and I rushed out to do some Christmas shopping - finally! We'd done a lot online on Sunday, but we needed to go into the shops for the rest. Less than one hour was all the window I had, between other things, so we did as much as we could. At least we've got most of it!

Our budget is very tight, so that makes prezzie shopping even more of a challenge!

Afterwards, there was a quick lunch (home made gf cheese scones for the boys) and then Roarke took Joshua and Samuel to see Enchanted whilst William went to play with his little friend Toni (and I got a chance for another natter with his mum!).

The boys were, for once, "made" to do some "work" in the morning in order to qualify for the treat. Joshua caught up on his blogs, and on some writing for church, and Samuel redid two levels on his Maths Upgrade. William, I think, worked on his sticker book (though I suspect that didn't last long!).

In the evening, I took it easy whilst Roarke went to his rehearsal for the two carol concerts our church is doing at the weekend.

I love my slow cooker!

At the moment, it is a definate help. Like today for example. I got up and realised that I didn't have any gf bread for lunch, so threw a pizza dough together in the bread maker (another must have gadget!). Wrote some Christmas cards (yes I know I'm too late for second class posting, but its earlier to post them than I did last year! I think my friends/relatives must be used to it by now....). Made the pizzas, then remembered I hadn't sorted dinner, so I threw some cubed beef, stock, carrots, onions, garlic, bay leaf, and paprika into the slow cooker.

Despite the lack of a recipe, it tasted really nice tonight!

Once I'd fed Jonathan, it was off to the hospital. I went to see the consultant today (14 months after the referral, and only after it was discovered that the hospital had lost the referral letter...), to talk through old diagnosis of IBS in the light of Dad's death last year, and the now known history of coeliacs in the family.

They reckon that they need to rule out inflammatory bowel disease for me, as "several of the symptoms" that I have don't "fit" irritable bowel syndrome..

Due in three weeks to have cameras in both ends, which causes issues as it means I'll have to finally learn how to express, and practice to get Jonathan to take a bottle... which I'm REALLY unhappy about.

Mind you, have no idea how Roarke will cope as they reckon I'll be out of action for a while and I've no idea how long the sedative stays in your system and how soon afterwards I can feed him again :0(

Jonathan is very clingy to me, and doesn't tend to settle for anyone else other than me. I think Roarke will need ear plugs and worry beads ;0)

I keep meaning to have a big cook up and freeze, as meals are so complicated now between all the things we can/can't have (gluten free for the boys, dairy/soya/tomato free for me, watching purine containing foods for Roarke...). Some serious menu plannings is required..

To that end, I'm desperately asking around for a spare freezer; we need to put one in the garage for us to use as it is now impossible to fit our stuff into the one freezer with mum (actually I'm after kitchen units too, to put out there, as we have run out of storage space for china, pots, AND larder items). We need to be buying more organic, and therefore more in bulk to save money, and that means we need more space.

Lapland

Our trip to Lapland UK has definately gone down in the family annals!

It was a good time - though VERY cold! Four and a bit hours in freezing and below... I also can now claim to have breastfed in Lapland in public, complete with "snow" landing on my exposed bits... and I also got to feed in a traditional tent, covered in reindeer hide (me, not the tent!).

We were very nervous as to how Samuel would cope, particularly with seeing if the reality matched his "picture".

We went into the inflatable dome and watched the Snowman flight scene on the ceiling, whilst being "transported" to "Lapland" (and whilst I breastfed....)

Then we came out of the tunnel into the clearing in the forest. They had covered the surrounding trees in sprayed on snow, which actually managed (even to my adult, jaded, bah humbug eyes) to look rather magical instead of tacky.

They also had "snow" blowing intermittently out of some big blowers onto the scene, which the kids really loved.

I sat in the middle of the clearing feeding Jonathan, and trying to keep us both warm, whilst Roarke took the three boys into the Toy makers hut to make some toys.

Certificates in hand, they came out then went off to make some gingerbread.

Then the only disappointment of the whole day - paying £10 for 2 coffees and three hot chocolates that were served in small expresso sized cups (and of course William managed to pour his down himself)

We got a complementary mulled wine (the adults) which didn't exactly make up for that.

The food looked good but, as we had been warned by other family that went, it was very expensive. Using the "gluten free" card, we'd been able to take in our own food though.

After that, we had to kill about 45 minutes of time before our scheduled slot for Santa. We wandered around the clearing, went into the story telling tents, met some huskies, and saw some real reindeer. By now it was dark. We'd picked our times carefully, so that we arrived and did most of it in daylight (to help Samuel cope) but then finish it in the dark, so we got the magical feel of the fairy lights and the "snowy" trees.

We then went off to wait with our group in a tent, being called in one at a time to Santa. There were two elves amusing everyone, joined by an incredibly naughty Rudloph, who obviously rather fancied one of the elves, judging by the way he kept pinching her bottom....

Then we went in to see Santa.

He was really good, and we all ended up having quite a laugh (the boys especially thought it funny that he told them he remembered me from when I was a little girl, and that I had always been VERY naughty!).

We don't usually buy official photos, but of course we weren't allowed to take our own pictures of Santa so, as a rememberance of the day, we did purchase a group photo.

All in all, the boys enjoyed it - even Josh who is really a bit old for that sort of thing - and the boys all agreed that we will be hard pushed to top it for a Christmas surprise next year!

A long week

It's been a long week.

Tuesday was Monkey Bizz. There are three families that are "core" there at the moment, which is nice as kids and mums are getting a chance to build up relationships. One of the mums brought along a friend who is looking in to the possibility of home ed. I love the chance to chat about it and having them see the kids "in action" speaks volumes.

I've had a large number of enquiries this week actually. Some of them break your heart, others make you angry, some get me excited as I can hear the potential in the way the family talk and just *know* that they are going to enjoy their new adventure.

Wednesday Roarke took the boys out with two other families to Keston Ponds, for a muddy walk through the woods, dam building, and general larking around.

In the late afternoon, Joshua had a schooled friend over (from his church youth group) to play and have dinner.

William is working through the Ladybird worksheets with his Nan, Samuel completed another level on Maths Upgrade - this one on long multiplication. It took him a while, but you could see when the penny finally dropped.

Today Joshua had his sailing lesson. Next week is apparently the presentation of the certificates from the kayaking as well as for this sailing course.

The other big news this week was Roarke moved into offices! Where 2 Eat in Kent has taken off to such an extent that not only did he *need* office space, but can afford it too! I've helped transfer most of our "office" furniture into the new place. Really exciting stuff (well, it is for us. I guess you had to be there...)

Jonathan has had good days and bad days. His urine test result showed a "growth" but they said it was one they'd expect to find from the skin so we need to do it again. Goodness, it took 20 minutes of sitting with the pot in my hand, to get THAT one!

I had gluten last night and so, therefore, did Jonathan, and both of us have been in pain and having a reaction today... rather worrying. My original test 18 months ago was inconclusive and I'm still on the waiting list to see the specialist, but I'm wondering if things have changed post baby...

Went up the park this afternoon but no one else turned up, which was a shame.

We have a busy weekend lined up, so this evening we are trying to relax!